Wednesday, September 8, 2010

sittin here on hump day...

after being in this lovely new apartment for a whole month now...
yes...it has finally happened...
i have internet! wow!
i have to say...i was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to happen.
crazy out of touch feeling, not to have it.
may have been the longest i've gone without it...
except, of course, when there wasn't such a thing.
can i remember that far back? hmmmmmmmm....
wow, i have no idea! haha!
anyways, it's wednesday night, here in this little town,
where i live, and not much is going on except...
yes...me and the internet.
embarrasingly enough, i have caught up on the last few episodes of 'the hills'.
guilty pleasure. hahhaha!
takes my mind away from life and things and worry.
and, i have to be honest, that's a nice escape on some days.
because if we all look at our lives, on certain occasions...
it would be really great to be able to zone out and watch a mindless show, and somehow transport ourselves somewhere else...for just a few minutes, hours, or maybe even a day.
i, myself, escaped for just a few hours earlier,
by jumping in my little cube and driving to the city,
and walking around a bookstore, leafing through magazines, seeing what was new on the shelf, scouring cookbooks for something yummy...
then, as i usually do, edging up to the bar at p.f. changs and having an early dinner with a nice little frothy cosmo to welcome the late afternoon of my day off.
all i really needed were those few hours to revamp myself,
turn my head around...
then drive home.
the funny thing is...when we escape...
we eventually have to come back :)
and that saying, 'wherever you go, there you are'...somehow rings true.
i'm sitting here, thinking about it, and from the outside looking in...
there really would not be any reason to want to escape my life...
it is good.
i'm surrounded by all things beautiful...
ranging from the beach,
to my family,
to my friends,
to my health,
to my new little place that i rest my head,
to waking up every morning, and knowing i'm lucky!
a friend and i were talking about this the other day...
and when you read this...
you're gonna completely laugh at how insanely simple this is...
but i was just getting home from a workout,
and having picked up a few things from the grocery store,
i put them away and was making my way to the stove to have my second little cup of jane...when i opened my fridge, and looked in...
and i thought to myself as i closed the door...
'hmmmmmmmm...what a nice feeling it is to have food in my house...i'm lucky'
yes, you may laugh...but think of the people in this world...that don't have that...that everyday is a struggle to survive...
for food
for shelter
for safety
for warmth
for love
for a night without war
for a night without death
for some spare change
so, i sit here...
in front of my computer...
with a smile on my face...
and i know...
i've got every reason on earth...
to live here, right now, in this moment...
without reason to escape...
but reason to revel in the luck i have in this little life of mine.
because it is a good one.
full of all the things one could possibley want or need.
reasons to love and dance and sing.
i can attest to this...i really don't own a whole lot of anything of worth...
and i'm not sure if i ever will...
these are the choices i've made, and the way i live, i have no excuses.
but i do know that i'm beginning to learn that after one strips away all of these things that we are trying so desperately to accumulate during our lives...
what's left, is just us.
simply and honestly.
and at the end of the day,
it can be one of the most beautiful things there is...
pure heart and soul...open for the world to see.
plato said, 'truth is the beginning of every good thing, both in heaven and on earth; and he who would blessed and happy should be from the first a partaker of truth, for then he can be trusted.'
all we can really do in our lives is live,
truthfully and authentically.
if we do that with ourselves,
and the people we hold dear...
then each day becomes better and better.
and our lives will be brighter and fuller.
maybe not of material things...
but of the things that matter.
that's all part of life though, isn't it?
decided what those things are...
and living according to it...with intention and full awareness of what's around you.
we just have to get out there everyday...and believe.
live and breath and share...
whether or not you get knocked over, run over, or left behind...
stand back up...and don't be afraid to show who you are...
because that's all you truly have.
what's right there inside of you.
show it.
what have you really got to lose?

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