rushing home...

had the most amazing idea this mornin...
what if i could write my blog on my beach steps?
well...
here i am...
unsecured connection and all! haha! woohoo!
i have to tell you, this whole laptop thing...
it's a blessing and a curse...
because, basically, i can carry this thing anywhere with me...
anywhere!
i mean, seriously...
i am in my most favorite spot in the world,
at this very moment...
i mean, hell, i just watched the sun come up! yes! i did!
and it was glorious!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
okay okay...
have to get over myself for a second...
there's a blog to write :)
so, i was driving home the other day,
and realized i was truly rushing to get there.
it was after work, and i had had a pretty long and tiresome shift,
full of slingin bags and serving people...on my best behavior...
and believe me...to be on your best behavior for 7 to 10 hours at a time..
well, that's just not so easy is it? haha!
sometimes you just want to scream!
but i can tell you what serving does for me...
it really makes me an easier person to serve.
i'm so aware of what's around me when i'm not at work.
anyone that's helpin me at a store or restaurant...
i go that extra mile to make them feel better about it...about helping me...because hey, we know where they're coming from, don't we?
you wanta put your hand on their shoulder and say, 'yeah, i know,' and 'it's gonna be okay'.
but anyways, i digress, as usual.
on my trek home...
i realized i was rushing home for no reason really.
except for the fact that i love my apartment.
i had gotten home that day, with a smile on my face to be there...
you know how you walk in your front door, and sorta let out a deep sigh or breath or even yelp out happiness just to be home?
yes, yes, yes,
that is how i feel most days.
that same day, i was doin a lil home workout...it's something i do when i'm not of the nature of goin out for a workout.
anyways, i was layin on my floor, doin crunches, and between sets, i was just lookin around the room, and i was thinkin about the things i have in my life...
i laughed at myself, because i was thinkin, 'apartment, i love you, i love that you're mine, but then again, you're not really mine are you? well, at least for the rest of this month you are, and i'm happy with that.'
then i just began to think of all the things in my life, at this very moment, that are exactly what i want.
exactly!
amazingly so...i have several things! i don't own any of them!
but, i'm happy in them...way happy!
it's crazy!
thing is in our lives, sometimes just takin that step back and seeing it...and the realization that yep, here i am, and here it is, my life.
my neighbor and i randomly share meals together, sit on the beach steps together, have drinks, go out to dinner and music, she's even been mistaken as my girlfriend (which we laugh about quite often)...
well, we were talkin about this stuff the other night,
and well, i was explaining to her of my rush to get home...
of the fact that i was literally rushing home, just to be home, not because i had anything to do, but because i love where i am, when i'm home.
how happy it makes me to walk into this place that i live in.
it's kinda funny.
in that same thought, i was thinking about needing the whole "real job" thing because, let's face it, i'm not gettin any younger...i'm a 44 year old woman that slings bags! haha! and when i expressed that to her, she said to me, 'why change that now, you've been getting by haven't you?'
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
yeah, i have.
and that's where the rest of our conversation went to...
out of all of my jobs i've ever had...
working at the golf course...i get up...i go...i do it...and truth be told, i sorta love it...for many reasons...
but the crazy part is, it's the only job i've ever been able to go to without regret or without thinkin, 'ugh, i have to work'.
so, in that vein, that's hard to beat, eh?
we ended our conversation sayin that there's somethin about being happy where you are...about walkin in your door and feeling comfortable and safe...something that is not able to be replaced with money.
no, i don't have everything that i want...
i'd truly love to have someone to share my life with...
but, the thing is, i have everything else that makes my life seem warm and i'm happy to be there...here...where i am.
for years and years i always dreamed of living in a cool place,
that i could hang out with my friends...
have dinners...drinks...
crazy conversations...listen to music...
play yahtzee and dominoes...
watch the sun come up...
read books...write and write some more...
and here i am...
exactly in that place.
god, i'm happy to be here...so happy.
i've been tryin to put together my back porch...and recently it's begun to come together...a couple times since getting it going...i've had friends over til late in the night...food, drinks, music, stories...candles lit...perfect nights in every way...
after each of them, i've smiled broadly, and thought to myself, and sometimes out loud...'this is how i dreamed it to be, surrounded by people i love, in a place that i love to live.'
it's home.
and i may not have all of the things a regular woman my age does...
but...
and this is a big but...(yeah, you can smile at that)
i'm also not a regular woman am i? :)
maybe life is exactly as it should be...
in seconds...in minutes...in moments...in days and years.
so, i sit here, in this moment, on my beach steps,
sun shining down on me, the sounds and sights of the ocean are part of me, in my pajamas, sippin on coffee (a lil cold now, since i came down here), and i know that i'm exactly where i should be...
and i'm lucky to be here.
maybe just maybe, that's one of the lil secrets in life, eh?
like a lil secret to contentment...
because at the end of the day, here we are...
and sure, most definitely, there are goals we should set for ourselves, or things that we want, places we want to go, people we'd love to be with...
but findig a little bit of contentment everyday,
in our regular lives, and knowing it's there...
and maybe even saying it outloud...
maybe that could make the difference in where we go, who we are, and what we want to achieve...
that lil bit of contentment that is so basic and simple.
lil dreams can make a life that much better.
we may not even realize how happy we truly are...til we look around...
and there it is, staring you in the face.
i'm happy to be right here.