being ridiculous...

well, here we are...
just a few days from the new year, and it happens to be a lil over 2 months since i've sat myself down to write on this here, HFD blog site of mine.
lazy right?
yeah, i'd say so!
it's funny, this mornin, when i got up, i thought, 'okay, honey, you're gonna write today'...
and i proceeded to find lil things to do in my apartment...ridiculous! 
i am ridiculous!  haha!
i recall several years ago, this girl i was havin a drink with at a local bar, tellin me, just that...
that i was ridiculous...hahahhahaha!
i can't lie to you, after she said it the third or fourth time, i was over it, and wanted to tell her off...
but...
the more i think about it, the more i know it's true :)  haha!
the actual reason she was telling me i was ridiculous is because of my thoughts of love and of not giving up on people.
so, yeah...in that sense...i'm definitely ridiculous...without a doubt!
haha!
was thinkin as i was doing my dishes this morning, and avoiding writing, about all of the things that i've written about as of late...
and i'm thinkin, yeah, most of them have been love related, family related, dream related, or faith & hope related...
which in a sense, all fall back to love...
love, love, love.
geeeeeeeeeeeeez!
makes you wonder...what is wrong with me, right?!  haha!
yeah,  i wonder the same thing, believe me.
but here's my thought...
you know how at the end of a year, everyone sits down and thinks about what they want to change...
and how they're gonna make that happen...
about lists and goals...
all of that.
yeah...i think i've written about that as well...
and it's what i do too.
looking back on this year...wow...it's been some kind of year.
i've been on a few trips...fallen for a couple girls...danced a lot...toasted here and there to fun nights...sweated grossly to loads of spin and yoga...boogie boarded many of the summer days...laughed and talked my way into the night...and some of the mornings :)  haha!
i wouldn't change a thing...really!  i wouldn't!
i know though, that life must continue to go on...
that we must continue to learn...to seek...to make mistakes (as for me, crazy amounts of them, it seems! haha!)
i was talking to one of the kids i work with the other day...and we spoke of the life long search...the search that doesn't seem to ever end...
and we were figuring, that if you stop searching, then maybe you're not learning.
and when you're not learning, you're standing still.
as i see it, i feel as if, since i graduated from college...way back when...i've been searching non-stop for what it is that i should do with my life, where i fit in, what makes me happy, who are the people that make my life better...
all of those questions...they've been answered...partly...
but then more grow from there...
that's the funny thing about life, eh?
we can stand still for a few moments...
look at the view...
but then...we just have to keep moving...keep walking forward...
and sometimes run.  yep...even slow, like me.
haha!
i think that maybe i'll never know some of it...
but i know i'll feel it.
what it feels like to be happy in a moment.
      to know that i fit in, here and there.
              to know what love is...wherever it comes from.
                        to laugh with my family.
                                to laugh at myself.
                                           to feel absolutely high as kite without a drug inside of me.
i know this because my search for everything...
            is never-ending.
so, at this point in my life...i'm 45 years old.
i forget that as soon as i hear music...haha!  and raise my hands in the air, and start dancing.
i don't seem to notice it when i'm flying through a spin class or in a tree pose in yoga.
i absolutely feel like a child when the waves are carrying me through til i hit the sand.
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
the truth is...
who cares?!
life will always be what you make of it.
always.
i pledge to keep seeking...to keep falling in love...to keep growing...to keep reading...and to keep living...
i'm figuring...
if i do all that...well...who knows what will happen...what will come along?
and who will come along to teach me?
i don't know...
but am looking foward to seeing!
so, with all of that...
i say to you...
here's to another year...
of everything! 
and another year of being absolutely ridiculous :)

"i thank you God for this most amazing day:
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky:
and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes..."
~e.e. cummings~