who am i today?

it's been a week and a half since last i wrote something...
and to be honest...as usual...
i was just waiting for something to grab ahold of me.
i've had a few different thoughts about things i've been going through in my life...
and things i've read and heard along the way...
and i kind of throw them in this file in my head...
like, 'yeah, i can use that someday'...
well...maybe this is the day i need to yank out some of those files
from my head.
and use them.
one of them happens to be about the spirit...about our spirit.
our yoga instructor, the other day, was talking about how big it can be...
that basically, there's only a certain size that you're body will ever grow to...
but the spirit...
the spirit is a different thing all together...
it has infinite possibilities of growth...there's no limit, basically,
to how big it can be.
when he was talking about it...
i think we may have been in child's pose...
and i was thinking to myself, how wonderful that sounded.
that our spirit has no boundaries, no limits, just endless and infinite growth!
it made my heart smile to think about it.
i mean, seriously...
just imagine yourself as this constantly moving, everchanging,
limitless spirited person!
wow!
the thought of it, made me want to jump up and run out the door...
and do everything possible to rise above and do what i dream of doing...
no matter what it is or how impossible it seems.
i don't know about you,
but so many times in my life...
i have these great thoughts...and before i know it...
i'm talking myself out of them...
not sure at all if they're possible...
or if i'm talented enough to make them happen...in the way i envisioned.
how amazing would it be if all of us could just rely on our spirit,
to get us through each struggle?
to know that it was infinite enough to guide us through.
that feeling of spirit and lightness...gives energy to good things in our lives.
we make good things happen when we fly forward and believe in ourselves.
and then we take others with us!
"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...it is that we are powerful beyond measure..."

the other day i went out to the beach to drink a cup of coffee and start to re-read a book i had started many years ago...it was a pretty deeply serious book, and
i was seemingly not ready for it at that time.
but the other day, i decided to give it another go.
you know how sometimes you can read something one day, and it means one thing to you...and then read it again, a year from then, and it means something completely different, or maybe it just grows in meaning to you...adds on, sort of.
well, i read the first chapter that day, outloud on the beach.
for me...i feel as if i can understand and take things in better,
if i read them aloud...yeah, this may sound strange...but honestly,
it's kinda nice.
anyways, the first chapter was strong and to the point.
and i was really blown away by what it said.
so blown away, in fact, i had to put the book down, and process the words i had just spoken out loud to the ocean and to myself.
jiddu krishnamurti was the author of this book...
he was viewed by many to be one of the greatest thinkers and religious philosophers of all time.
he believed that in order for the world to change...there had to be a radical change in mankind...and he travelled for many years, speaking to many people about these things.
he had no ties to any religious denomination, or political party, or country...he believed all those things contributed to world's problems.
it was interesting to read into how he believed in we, as humans,
figuring things out for ourselves...
not holding onto what we've read or heard or believe we know from others...
that many of us, live off of second hand knowledge from others.
that we're always looking for an authority...
but when we do...we're living through someone else's eyes.
through their thoughts and feelings.
not ours.
we can rely on no one else but ourselves to bring about this change.
he said a mind without fear is capable of great love.
when we make this journey to figure out who we are...
we have to travel light...leave behind the opinions, prejudices, and conclusions...and move forward without the weight of the old furniture that's been travelling around with us for 2000 years.
i have to say that, for me, it was pretty mind boggling to read all these things...basically, to reject all authority...
and just live, paying attention inwardly and outwardly...
and start from scratch...
forget all the things you've been taught...
all the things you've thought about yourself.
wow...
that's a lot...
but it's also pretty interesting too.
i guess it's just another way to let go.
and live.
there are days that i'm not sure where i'm going or what i'm doing.
i tell myself, 'i can't'...
when what i truly need to do is just believe.
i give myself a hard time about certain things i feel...
when truthfully, we're all just human beings.
we're told from an early age...how everything should be...
but that's the great part about growing older, isn't it?
learning that a lot of what we're told,
isn't for us...and that we get to decide how we live...
and who we are...
and the path we will travel.
the even greater part of that is... that we can change our path...
as we grow and learn more.
each day maybe when we crawl out of bed,
we should ask ourselves...
'who am i today?'
and be all of that...
just be you.