Tuesday, May 3, 2011

i need possible...

samuel beckett once wrote...'ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.'
that quote has been ringin in my head since i wrote it down in my little notebook.
thing is, my friends...
i like to write these things down,
but the truth of the matter is, i haven't lived those words like i probably should.
so, me writing them, and quoting them to you,
may just be quite hypocritical,
but they still ring true to me.
don't get me wrong though...
yes, i've tried things...
and yes, i've failed frequently and miserabley.
maybe not as often as i should.
they say if you're not failing...you're not trying.
and maybe more closer to the truth is that we should be constantly trying.
not worrying about falling on our faces.
as adults though, it becomes harder and harder to get back up,
and keep moving.
kinda like falling down...in the beginning of our lives...we fall a lot.
we get up a lot, and keep falling...but laugh it off...maybe with some scuffs and scratches, but we just keep going.
somewhere along the way though, when we hit a certain age...
the falls begin to hurt a bit more.
the scars become deeper.
we have a greater memory for them...and then...
we become afraid of the fall...
then comes the worst part...we stop trying.
yes, we remain scuff and scratch free...
where are we then?
i can tell you where...
43 and safe.
not a bandaid on the shelf.
i was just thinking about that as i sat on my beach access steps,
looking out at the ocean.
i question the fact that i write constantly about life, love, and being happy...
but in the same instance...i've not had to go through the things that others have.
my life has been quite amazingly charmed.
my parents are still alive and well.
my brothers are safe and sound.
i'm healthy and live on a beautiful island.
of course i'm happy right?
i've wondered for years what this life is about...why i'm here...what am i here to do...what am i doing?
there have been several things in life that i've wanted to do, and i've done...
but there are also things that i've not tried out of fear.
fear of not being enough.
and then i think...here i am writing about all these things...
what have i got to say?
how can i inspire?
who am i to say anything out loud?
my explanation to that is that i've learned about how important it is to have a voice, and to let people hear it, and decide for themselves.
i've not struggled with much...
yes, your usual struggles that all people go through...
but nothing i couldn't handle.
living life wondering when the other shoe will fall,
and my luck runs out...well, that's no way to live...most definitely not.
i have to believe too, that we all have a reason to be here...
that each and everyone of us can inspire and be inspired.
i have to believe that the words i write can do something.
something good.
in one person's life, if nothing else.
i was explaining the other day to a friend about how nice it is to have community.
to feel like i'm not the only one.
that at the end of the day, we all want the same thing.
gay, straight, bisexual, transgender...whatever we are...
whoever we are...
it's to love and be loved...to have some understanding for each other...
compassion...passion...a sense of worth...a reason...
and the strength and courage to be exactly who you are...and to not be afraid to try and try again, no matter how many times we fail.
everything is relative, and everything is temporary.
there are peaks and valleys always in life.
some seem to last forever...but rest assured, change happens.
thank god.
i keep promising myself each day to try something new.
to not always be comfortable...to say what i have to say.
for such a long period of my life...i had no voice...
i was afraid to speak my mind...to go against the grain.
so easy to just float along the current of life and not swim to an interesting shore thats in the opposite direction.
so easy.
and maybe that's part of my life right now...
learning to just put it out there...
put my words down, hit publish, and not look back.
no regrets, no fear.
each day we must remind ourselves to keep trying...it's got to be a daily event!
sweat a little, be nervous, be scared, fall down, look amazingly stupid...
but do it...and do it well.
fail greatly!
a few hours ago, i went to see the movie, 'soul surfer'...
in it,the main character said to her dad, 'i don't need easy, i need possible'.
think about it.
if everything is relative...
what is your possible?
i say to you, in the famous words of shakespeare,
'we know who we are, but know not what we might become.'
dream big, my friends, dream big,
and fail each day.
you never know what will happen when you fall down...
because sometimes when you're getting up,
you have a different view of everything.
what a view it could be!