Saturday, August 28, 2010

of this i'm sure...well...maybe

so, it's been about 3 weeks since my last blogpost...
and i have to be honest...i've been pretty much, running around,
doing everything else, but write.
now i sit here, in a hotel room...
with my parents...
and have decided that this is the time to catch up.
maybe a good idea...maybe not...
i have no clue.
but i will tell you this...
because this happens to be something i know...
life is one constant surprise after another.
this summer for me...has been chock full of them.
ranging from driving across the country in my little cube,
finally feeling alive in my heart again,
finding out about brain tumors,
lucking out with scoring a place on the beach,
losing 15 lbs of beer weight (thanks p town),
realizing that it was totally possible to do wheel pose,
and feeling the best i've felt in about 6 years!
in and amongst all of that i've learned a great lesson of faith in people and in destiny.
right places at the right time kinda thing.
you know how they say that people come in and out of your life for different reasons? some stay for the long haul...and some are just there for a quick visit...some you're sad to see go...and then some, fade away as if they were one of those little holographic ghosts in the haunted mansion ride at disney.
of course, there are the one's that are in between that as well...they show up here and no time has past you by, and you pick up right where you left.
anyways, i digress, for sure...
i mentioned at the beginning of this post that i'm in a hotel room...
well...let me south carolina...moncks corner, to be exact...
for my niece's wedding.
weddings always bring me back to thinking about that one thing...
you guessed it...
love, baby :)
and no, i'm not going to ramble on today about having it and finding it and hoping it stays...
i'll just say this...which, believe me, i realize at this very moment, i'm completely all over the place...because, honestly, my life has seemed that way lately...and my heart too! haha!
i actually just wanted to share a few things i've heard and i've read as of late, that made me think how sweet, amazing, and astounding that love can be...or how it makes people say and write the most beautiful words, with power and grace.
i kinda love that...a lot, i'd have to admit!
the power of words is always stopping me in my tracks!
it truly is!
the thing is...with all the words...
must come actions the walk along with them...
or they don't mean anything at all, do they?
that's the part we all have to remember when being in love, or giving love, or sharing love...
that there's this action part that goes hand in hand.
right on!
if we can do that...then life as we know it would change...wouldn't it?
in every single realm and fiber of our being!
anyways, so i'll share these things i've heard and tell you where i heard them...
but the problem is...
there's so much more to share too! all these little dog eared pages i have! haha! they're everywhere!
kinda like love, eh? it's pretty much everywhere you look if you're paying any attention.
i know, i know...a rambling fool...but the truth of all of that is...i'd rather be thought a fool...hands down...if it's in the case of love and life.
here are my little blurbs of love...

from julie and julia..."you're the butter to my bread, the breath to my life"

how beautiful and luscious that is! it could be for the simple fact that i love both of those, bread and butter. but something so intimate as butter to bread, if you've ever had the luck of having fresh, hot bread in your hand, and putting butter across it, and watching it melt into the bread, as they become that's a beautiful thing :)

from loving frank..."ongi mia fibra. e'posseduta dall'amor"...translated~my every fiber is possessed by love~ taken from the opera 'mefistofele'

my every fiber is possessed by love! that itself can take your breath away! and love is just that way isn't it? once it hits's the only thing you can think, feel, and yearn for! like it's in your veins! sit back and think about how it has made you feel in your life...that first realization that you're in love with some that's some kind of overwhelming that walks with you, throughout your day!

and i have to be honest with you, whoever is reading this...
i really don't know why i'm writing this or even if any of it makes any sense...
but you know...sometimes you just have to sit down and write...and well...this is what is coming out today.
i'm hoping that some of it makes some sense or hits home...just a little, at least.
i'm in constant thought of how some of the things i read or hear or see...are things that would be awesome to hear another person say or feel or see in you (or me, as the case may be)
you know, those kinds of things that make you sigh just a little bit, and smile as well.
like, 'hey, this is what life is all about' right?

i'll leave you with this...'arrestati, sei bello' ~stay, for you are so beautiful~
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...the things that would sound like music to our ears :)
to our lives.
and change them forever.

Monday, August 9, 2010

everyday is a day we can live in truth...

well, i just got in from doing the sweatiest yoga possible, this morning...
i mean, each time i went to downward facing dog...a stream of water was flowing off of me, pouring onto my mat...
pretty insane, really!
but amazing, just as well!
to feel all that is within you, basically, coming out and rolling off onto your mat.
i'm sitting here now, in front of my computer...trying to recover...
and reflect on a few things that i felt through this practice today...
and one of the things the instructor talked about today...
was living the life that we're practicing on these mats...
way easy to love and live and sweat, right there, on the mat...
but to take out into the world, what we're doing there...
and breath it in and breath it out...
and spread something good, to the people that are around us each day.
that's the part thats a bit harder.
but, completely do-able.
no matter what we're believing in, whether it be going to church, meditating, doing yoga...whatever our path that leads us to this enlightenment...
putting it into practice, in the truth and reality of our lives...that's where it all comes together.
that's where life comes together.
that's where, we, as people, come together.
to give support and love, where it is needed.
to just say to another soul...'hey, i'm here' and 'you're not alone'
sometimes just knowing that or hearing it...
is enough to get us through the daily struggles of life.
what we bring to the table of life, is more than we can imagine.
if we truly share who we are...our hearts, souls, and minds...
we could change our lives, and the people around us as well.
because whether or not we'd like to admit it, who we are and how we feel and how we speak...affects others in the grandest of ways...good and bad.
i found this passage this morning, in a wonderful book that an amazing friend let me borrow recently...
'as the layers of falsehood fall away, an intimacy develops with our own truth. ultimately our truth becomes all there is. truth becomes our essence and our reality, our deepest desire, and the air we breathe.'
it's such a beautiful passage about the truth that we hold within us.
and believing that truth, without excuse, and with love.
it begins to be who we are.
no walls or hiding behind anything.
just wide open spaces.
possibilities beyond belief!
imagine yourself to be,
just who you are.
and that is enough.
more than enough.
enough for all things.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

days of new...

the last few days, i've been moving into a new place.
and you know,
when you move into a brand new spot...
that feeling of starting over? fresh, without dents and dings.
like, just because you're in this new apartment or house...
that's what's gonna make the difference.
change your attitude.
bring new perspective.
all of that,
just because you've changed positions.
it is a very interesting feeling, i have to say.
new place, new life.
i keep reminding myself of that.
and as much as i do...
sometimes, it may seem like nothings changing...
but always is, isn't it?
when i moved home 3 months ago, from, it seemed like...
across the world :) which, let me tell you, the drive, made it seem like it. haha! oh, but what really great drive it was.
because the whole time i was driving, completely alone...
i was reminding myself...
'you're gonna do things differently' and 'remember who you are'.
and 'this is your life, you don't have to explain it to anyone or make excuses'.
no one walks in your shoes, except you.
we all have different experiences that make us who we are...
so, we may get caught in the same circumstances at any given moment...
but make distinctly different choices or decisions.
life is full of them, isn't it?
and it's so amazing how one decision can alter everything else.
then again,
supposedly we choose our destiny...we are in control of it.
we are given this great power to decide where we go, what we do, how we live, and who we are.
and sometimes it's so easy to forget that so much is up to us.
our lives our up to us.
we can easily blame our mistakes on others.
we can side step any tough choice, by letting some one else deal with it.
so, yes, the power is within each and every one of us,
to live right,
to watch out for each other,
to speak kindly, even when we don't feel kind,
to give without thought of recieving,
to love, no matter what the case or cause,
and to forgive, when we're not sure we want to.
i can definitely say that it's not the easiest way to live...
in fact, it's really hard,
because as human nature seems to be sometimes,
we react before we think.
but that's the cool part about being human...
we can use our mind to overcome those crazy instincts.
we can take a deep breath in any given situation,
and let our hearts and souls take over.
you might be reading this, thinking...'what in the hell does that have to do with moving into a new aparmtent?'
right right! haha!
i'll tell you this...
it's pretty amazing the feeling of walking into a completely new perspective...
and filling it with old things that you've had for years...
and maybe adding some new things too.
but the powerful part seems to be,
the hope of a new turn.
the thought that, hey, things are changing right before my very eyes.
that each hour, day, week, year...
we are changing, and everything around us is.
the excitement of new friends, new loves, old friends coming back...
that people will be walking in and out of this new place...
and this new life.
that maybe, just maybe...each day is like a new life,
that we get to decide about.
we're not trapped in our lives...
we can climb out anytime we want,
and smell the fresh air.
if we want change in our lives,
we must make it so...
no one else can do that for us.
if we sit idley by and watch life going on,
and don't participate in it,
or try to grow, learn, and change...then we are not living up to who we could be.
it may seem strange that moving into a new place, reminds me of all this...
and maybe i'm just a gypsy that seems to move often, and be reminded often,
about the fragile, changing state of how things are...but...
maybe it also reminds me that change and starting over,
are all just part of life...
an essential part of growth and adaptibility.
so, yeah, basically, i'll wake up tomorrow morning,
and keep moving,
and keep growing,
and keep learning.
hoping for great things to come my way,
and knowing they will.
because they already have.
keep it coming, babe, keep it coming.

Monday, August 2, 2010

taking life as it comes...

this will be a short stream today,
but sometimes we can get things out without as many words as we think we may need.
one of my friends and i, this summer,
have been talkin non-stop, and i mean truly non-stop...
about love.
about enjoying it.
about having it.
about being in it.
about letting go of all that we think...and just having fun in it.
without judgement.
without feeling the need to explain it.
or the need to change it, because it's not happening the way we want...
or maybe not as much that as, just not trusting how we feel or what we feel.
or truly just trying to figure out how it's not gonna happen,
or the disappointment when it doesn't.
we're seriously, our own worst enemies sometimes, aren't we?!
i am here, this day, to say...
fuck it!
i mean, really!
why don't we just all let go of these pre-conceived notions of what we think is gonna happen when we put ourselves out there...
and just do it!
taste it.
touch it.
feel it.
lounge in it.
run with it.
kiss it.
hug it.
stare into it's eyes.
hold it's hand.
let loose and let the world feel what you want.
my wild and crazy friend tells me all the time...
'there's something there, there's a reason you're in love, and don't question it...we don't fall in love by ourselves...there's someone else falling too!'
we talk late into the night about things of this nature.
and we laugh and scream and laugh some more at ourselves...
because we are this...
we are love!
how crazy is that!? wow!
it makes me laugh just typing this...
and hey, you may be reading this and thinking i'm totally off my face here...
and i may be!
but hey...why not be off our faces a little?!
rumi said...'that all we truly want is to feel love's confusing joy'
i'm here to tell you...
i'm thoroughly and completely confused! haha!
need i say more?