Wednesday, June 30, 2010

'live high, live mighty, live righteously...'

so, the last few days...or i actually should more like say...
my entire adult existence...
my one main thought...
has been about love.
how it happens.
where it comes from.
what to do when you lose it.
how to keep it near.
what happens in between when its nowhere to be seen.
whether or not to shout it out,
keep it close to the vest,
when its there...and you feel it.
the amazingness of it all!
when it happens!
the loss of control of what to do with yourself!
the feelings that...that person is the person you think of first and every sentence, during every hour, and throughout your day!
and if by some crazily lucky chance,
that person feels that way about you!
oh my god!
like two worlds colliding!
ultimately, the best feeling one can feel.
so, why is it that we are so afraid to admit it?
why don't we just tell each other of this amazing connection that we feel?
this burst of energy and delight.
and if you do say something to that person...
and they think you're out of your mind...
well, then, maybe that's not the right person.
but then why are those feelings there?
the wonderful part about it all.
is timing.
when everything is as it should be...
then there it is...
staring you in the face...
working itself out...
and you're falling...
like little pieces of a puzzle...
right into place...
fitting smoothly...
and perfectly...
to look like one big picture.
the thing i've been learning the last two months
is that whether or not we're paying attention...
these things are falling into place.
and destiny is so beautifully working,
as loud as your heart beats when that person, that somehow gets you,
walks into the room.
that things seem to build on each other,
when we're making this decision,
and that one.
that all of a sudden,
the bigger picture is sitting, right there in front of you.
and it's so overwhelming,
that you have to take a deep breath in to know that you are alive,
and that this is happening.
it seems as if,
there's this steady stream of people,
that flow in and out of my life...
but almost inevitabley,
the right people are there,
at just the right time.
it makes me know that we're not just here,
floating around,
making no sense...
because, for some strange reason,
makes it make sense.
when we're making one choice,
we just have no idea how it will change our lives,
down the road.
and how perfectly insane it seems,
when looking back at it...
you realize, how right you were by listening to your intuition.
and yes...
you may be wondering where all of that fits in to love?
it is a great mystery,
to figure out the why, the how, the who, the when, the where.
whether to be quiet, hold back, give a little, take a little.
rock it out, shout it to the mountain tops.
fight for it or walk away, and start fresh.
question of the ages, isn't it?
for me,
being the clumsily goofy, hopeless romantic that i am...
well, i, of course, say....
go with your heart, baby cakes,
go with your heart.
either way...all we can do...
is be true to who we are.
make no excuses.
and just be.
no games, no walls, no barriers.
just you.
the best thing you can offer another person, most love.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

write when you are....

what a beautiful morning it truly is!
besides the fact that i had one or two drinks too many last night,
and there was no milk for my lovely cup of joe this morning, which meant i had to roust myself out of bed, and jump in my human transport device, walk into the store, a little bleary eyed, and purchase the oh, so lovely organic valley wholeness...
sitting here, in my spot, and looking out onto the world...
i have to say...
not bad, not bad at all.
i pretty much have it made...
and to people on the outside, looking in...
i totally do.
funny thing is...
along the way in this life...
i've run head on into walls...
i've had near misses...
collisions with souls way bigger than myself...
and had the shit scared out me by a couple people along the way.
but here i am...
smiling...typing...drinking cofee...and thinking of, as ani difranco would say...'my next bold move'
goddess bless you, ani difranco!
you are one smooth dame! :)
anyways, i find sometimes that it's so easy to forget about the beauty that surrounds us...because we're looking at it, day in and day out...we just pass it its ordinary or something.
then one catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your scope of sight...and there you are...looking at the same thing you see everyday...and looks different...bolder...more colorful...lovely in every way.
suddenly, you're awake again!
what makes that happen?
hmmmmmmmmmmm....who knows?!
but the truth of the matter is...we're just so lucky to remember it.
to go back to a place that we've visited a million times...and see something new in it.
and no, it's not ordinary.
nothing in life ever really is,
if we open our eyes and take it in fully.
no person, no place, and no thing.
beauty finds us in every corner, crack, and crevice...
and sometimes, i guess, by some sort of strange and wacky luck...
we come upon exactly what we need at exactly the right time.
one of those mysteries of life.
when i drive to work, early in the morning sometimes,
i drive along this strip of road that borders the beach...
i always look for the colors that are in the early morning sky...
hues of blues, oranges, yellows, purples, and pinks.
one of the most beautiful things to behold, really.
i usually have my windows rolled down, and have chosen a good song to roll into work on...lately that's john mayer...'say what you need to say' or 'gravity'.
anyways, there are days that when i am looking out my window...i just can't believe what i'm each day is different in the sky.
and as i'm driving, sometimes i just have to wave a hand out my window, or scream into the early morning that 'hey, i see you, and i love you!'.
hahahhahahhaha! makes me laugh just thinking about it!
but why not, eh?
i've recently been reading a book that described the horizon as being 'the hem of heaven'....
hmmmmmm....doesn't that sound peaceful and beautiful?
we see it everyday.
and yet...we pass it by...without a thought.
person, place, or thing.
what have we forgotten to see in this life of ours?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

first timers fear...

well, since setting this up yesterday, i've been sorta racking my brain to write the most amazing first blog ever...
then i realized this morning, that most likely, i just need to write, and let what comes out, come out.
wasn't sure whether or not i should do a little intro of myself...tell about my life...where i'm coming from...or...where i've been...
then again, if i'm lucky enough to have anyone read this a time or two...
that will probably be a learned thing, through what i put on these pages, eh?
instead of revealing my life story the first day...
maybe i should take some time, and tell it slowly.
mostly, i'm the kind of person who wakes up in the morning with a thought in my head, and that is the day that i sit down and write.
and yes, i've been warning people for years now, that this is what i was going to do...and now that it's here, and i'm sitting in front of my computer, p.j.'s still on, sleep in my eyes, cafe con leche by my side...and
i'm scared that i may have nothing to say.
but as several of my friends know...there's always something brewing up inside this brain of mine, and hopefully, this is something i can throw out to you as well.
i'll leave you with this...
i've discovered recently, in my life, that a change of perspective from any situation that you are in, can truly alter how you feel, how you look, how others treat you, how you view each day that comes to you, and how you appreciate it all, in the grand scheme of things.
whether it be through an actual change of scenery, or a new job, or the simple luck of meeting a new person...anything really...
so, i was thinking that maybe that's one of those things in life that we have to remind ourselves about...
that things that we go through in life...good and bad...
they are just temporary.
and that if we can just keep changing our perspective and learn new things from it...that we can make it through just about anything.
that it is true, that we are in a huge way, in control of our own destiny...
even if crazy ass things happen to us along the way!
which they do, without a doubt.
the only hard time i have with that, is that if everything is temporary...then that good stuff thats going down in our lives...that has to end too? hmmmmmmm...
i'm not sure how to feel about that (you know that saying 'all good things must come to an end'?) i'd kind of like to fight that part, myself, i'm not gonna lie to you...because at this moment in my much good is happening...i just don't even know what to think!
and the truth is...all we can do is try to be the best version of ourselves that we can possibley be...make good choices...don't hurt others or at least own up to our mistakes when we make them and apologize with life as clean as we true to who we are...speak honestly in regard to our feelings...and love with effin scarily crazy wild abandon.
so, either way...whatevers going on...good and aware...appreciate it all!
with each breath, life changes.
roll with it, and love it.
because the next moment will be different.
and there's just another bit of good or bad,
waiting to say hello...
wondering how you will act and react.
what a wild ride eh? :)