Sunday, October 30, 2011


well, it's been a perfect sunday...
i was off...
and i did absolutely nothing.
which gave me much time to look back on the last few days of another crazy georgia florida weekend, here, in fernandina beach.
always full of people...always quite memorable in some way, shape, or form.
most definitely :)
at the end of one of these kinds of weekends too,
it's easy to look back and think...'oh, my god, i drank too much, ate too much, screamed a bit, and stayed up way too late!'
in the same breath, it's also one of those times that you have to remind yourself to live it and have a good time while you can...while it's here.
after all, the next georgia florida game isn't until next year.
funny thing is, i'm a fan of neither...i'm an fsu girl, that happens to always cheer for whomever is playin the gators.
but i'm a huge fan of being with people i care about,
people i can have some laughs with,
people that you look forward to breaking bread with,
people that you can tell your ridiculous stories to,
and laugh so hard that there's this funny squeal of breath trying to come out of you.
all of those things...
hey, you need to grab 'em and roll with it.
this really goes for just about anything.
it's quite easy to think to ourselves...'hmmmmmmm, i'll stay in, there'll be other times to do this or that.'
and yes, we should listen to our inner voice when we're tired or just not feeling it,
but there are also those times that we have to make a lil more of an effort to live, to laugh, to love, and honestly, just to have one hell of a time.
because don't people always say, at the end of your life, will you be angry at yourself that you shoulda taken a longer nap or you shoulda worked longer hours, or tried to make so much more money?
life, my friends...
must be lived.
must be loved.
must be jumped into feet first...or is it head first?!
i don't know.
but how bout this...
there's always so much freakin time to be serious,
to do serious business types of things,
to take ourselves way too seriously.
i know as for me...
i always look back at a night that i've laughed insanely with my friends, as a night well lived...a night i can look back on, and still laugh about.
now that...that's a good night.
there can't be enough of those.
nights that at the end of them, your knees are hurting like they have rust in them from dancing so hard...that when a friend walks up to you to give you a hug, you worry that you're way too sweaty from dancing, to be getting a hug...but you hug anyways, and you laugh and say it's good to see each other.
you hear things that make no sense, and you think to yourself...'what in the world is this person talking about?'...but you can't even hear yourself think because the music is so loud.
the next day you wake up, and your voice sounds like it's been dragged across the hot pavement...and in some way, it seems pretty damn sexy.
those kinda nights.
there are those days afterwards that i sit and feel guilty that i did all of these things...after all, i am 43.
but then when i think about the people i did them with...
well, then...
then it all makes sense.
i was talkin to some friends this mornin while we were eating breakfast together, and the subject came up about the fact that as we get older, we are more apt to decide quite simply that we do not have time to waste on being around people that we don't want to be around.
that our lives and our time seems to be getting more and more precious, and we feel that it is important to choose wisely how we spend it, and who we spend it with.
now yes, this may seem a lil brash or too honest...
but think about it.
haven't we all been in situations where we're at a party or out with people and we look around and think...'why am i here?' or 'i don't really want to talk to any of these people' or 'man, i don't have anythin in common we these yahoos.'
but for some reason we stay and then the next day someone asks you if you had a good night the night before, and all you can think to say was that it was weird or that you just weren't feelin it or that it was just okay. happens.
more often than not.
those are the nights that we have to give up the ghost and go some hulu, listen to some tunes, or read a book.
but those nights,
those nights
that you're with your peeps...
the people that get you...
that laugh...that make you feel like home...
that you can say whatever it is that you need to say and feel safe saying it,
those nights that you look into the crowd and your entertained by everything around you...
now that, that, my friends, that's the kinda night, that you just stay out...
that you just pay for your sins the next day.
that when you talk about it, you find yourself shakin your head back and forth in the middle of the story. hahahahaha!
those are the kinda nights that remind you that you're alive.
and that you still have some fight left in you to do all of the other things you have to deal with in this crazy life that's going on all around us.
yes, it's easy to get taken away by all of the bad that happens in this world...
the madness and mayhem can easily sweep you away.
it's those friends and that family that can bring it all to a halt,
and give you grand reason to smile, to laugh, to dance, and to love,
and to some days take it just a little less seriously.
i know, i know, as you read this, you may be thinking, 'obviously, honey, you probably should go out less, and get more serious about your 401k'...
and yeah, you're most likely right.
and this is a big but...
we're all different aren't we?
i've desperately wished i was one of those kinds of people.
business savvy, money minded, career oriented...all of that sounds awesome! really, it does!
but...i've also realized...
it's just not me.
i'll leave that to other people.
maybe i'm here to laugh, to love, to dance, to write, to be a good friend, to spin, to yoga, to shoot hoops, to cook, to listen to awesome music, to run trails, to make other people laugh...
ohhhhhhhh, i don't know...i'm still tryin to figure all of that out.
i have been on a constant search since high school to figure all of this out, and there are times, when someone i have just met, asks me what i do, that i'm embarassed or feel a bit like less of an outstanding individual because i don't do something that provides benefits or that i make minimum wage plus tips...
yes...for those few minutes that i first meet people...i'm very aware that i'm not on the upper end of the food chain of careers...
but i hope too, that once we talk longer,
that none of that will matter.
and to the good people,
the people i want to spend my time with,
it won't matter.
it won't matter at all.
i always joke about the fact that everything that i like to do, i can't make money's a fact of life.
and it's my life.
and it's a good one.
so, on this sunday of georgia florida weekend...
my voice is hoarse, i've been using a heating pad on my lower back from too much spin, too much yoga, too much dancin, and too much bag slingin. i've taken my glucosamine chondroitin with msm, i ate a mack daddy breakfast, cooked by people i love, and was just delivered an apple cream cheese poundcake by the best neighbor i could ask for.
yep...i think i have benefits.
they may not be traditional benefits...
but i surely do have them.
i'm imagining, if you look probably have 'em too.
and what i can say to that is...
stay up too late.
laugh too loud.
sometimes, not all the time, drink too much.
dance til you can't stand it any longer.
talk to the people you love til you're blue in the face.
watch the sun come up.
look at the moon at 3 in the mornin, when you're getting home and smile.
remember these times, my friends.
those are the benefits of life.
the good stuff.
what it's all about.
and, as a lot of people seem to be saying lately...
'that is all' :)
go dawgs.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

first chilly day..., i realized just recently that it's been over a month since i've written...
i don't know where the time goes sometimes!
each week i kept thinkin, 'man, i need to write something...'
but then the days turned into weeks and then a whole month went by!
almost a month and a half, really!
so, here i am...
back at it...
thinkin maybe, oh, i don't know, i'll just put something out there.
i think maybe too, that i have been busying myself with life so much that i forget that i should sit down and record some thoughts and feelings about what's going on around me.
because as we all know...there's always something goin on.
loads and loads of things everyday,
even if it seems like the most usual blah kinda day,
you can be rest assured, that somewhere, something is going on.
maybe even without notice...
kinda like the crazy bushes and grass in my back yard...
they've grown up like wildfire, all over the place,
and it looks like a jungle out there...i usually avert my eyes as to not remind myself that something needs to be done with that wildness. haha!
i weed the front porch area because once i'm done, it looks so much prettier and neat and clean (and it makes me feel accomplished when i do it, if for no other reason)...but all it takes is a week to go by, and those wacky weeds are all over the place again! holy cow!
stuff that we don't want is always poppin up all over the place!
which maybe brings me to a thought for the day...
just maybe :)
at the change of seasons and in different times in our lives,
we go through a period of cleaning out or clearing out.
things that we've been looking at for days, weeks, months, years...
we all of a sudden decide, 'okay, it's time, you're outta here'.
be it spring cleaning,
chopping off our hair,
shaving, (my favorite. haha!)
cutting the grass,
clearing out friends we don't talk to anymore on facebook,
breaking up with partners, spouses, and friends.
all of these things are part of how we clear up and move on.
it's kinda crazy how sometimes we just need the momentum of a good book, a movie, a song, or even the first chilly day of fall, to inspire us to do the things that we know we need to in order for our lives to be better, to be cleaner, to be more beautiful to look at and live in.
thing is...
it's kinda like pruning a plant...
cutting off the old dead parts, in order for it to grow stronger,
in order for it to grow with renewed energy,
with renewed fullness.
because in time, it all does grow back.
and sometimes in the wildest of ways, that we hadn't even imagined.
but that's the cool part about life...
it's so unexpected and out of our control!
we are in control our of actions...and no one else's.
so, it's up to us each and everyday,
to make an effort to renew and revive and re-fill.
to clear out and clean up.
we must always keep watch over what we do and what's growing around us...
because the weeds and dead stuff that cling to us,
have to be cut back, pruned, and thrown out,
in order to keep growing...up and out.
it's a daily process, this life.
taking it all in, and deciding what to keep,
what we can learn from,
what brings us down,
what picks us up,
and what holds us back.
decisions, decisions, eh?
i will leave you with this poem by hafiz,
a friend of mine sent me long ago, (it's on my wall in my kitchen)
when i was having difficulties in my days...
and please excuse me, if i've already posted this one
on a previous memory sometimes fails me...
but there is some good that can come out of reading things over and over again...we can pick up things hadn't seen before.
like watching a movie a few times, and realizing you hadn't caught this or that from the first or second time watching...
great words are sometimes best read several times over,
and in different times in our lives, we may understand them better or in a different way.

"we have not come to take prisoners"

we have not come here to take prisoners,
but to surrender ever more deeply
to freedom and joy.
we have not come into this exquisite world
to hold ourselves hostage from love.
run my dear,
from anything
that may not strengthen
your precious budding wings.
run like hell my dear,
from anyone likely
to put a sharp knife
into the sacred, tender vision
of your beautiful heart.
we have a duty to befriend
those aspects of obedience
that stand oustide of our house
and shout to our reason
'o please, o please,
come out and play.'
for we have not come here to take prisoners
or to confine our wondrous spirits,
but to experience ever and ever more deeply
our divine courage, freedom and


i think that maybe sometimes in our lives we just have to take stock, check things out, and see what's growing rampantly that maybe we didn't even notice about ourselves.
things that maybe all we really need to do is grab a set of clippers and prune away.
the other side to that coin is that what grows from it could be the best thing ever! maybe what you've been looking for and waiting for all along.
it's easy to miss sometimes, because there's lots of weeds that have pretty flowers attached to them, and it's hard to differentiate between the two.
that only means we just have to pay closer attention.
after all...
this life is ours for the taking.
why not take it and live it?
for '...we have not come here to take prisoners,
but to experience ever and ever more deeply
our divine courage, freedom,
and light!'
rock on, my friends,
and prune away!