Tuesday, August 30, 2011

'this i believe'

i'll start by sayin this...
i've recently started reading a book called, 'this i believe'...
it's amazing and full of truly inspirational stuff.
it's basically a book of essays written by famous people of the last 50 years, and also some not so famous people mixed in the bunch.
the essays are about what these people believe in...
their core feelings about life, that take them through each day.
this has made me sort of think about my beliefs and how i feel about certain aspects of life that are easier sometimes not to think about.
it's made me think that if i were to write an essay like this...
what would i write?
think about it...what would you write?
how would it start?
what would be the hook?
the guiding principles of your life...wow!
i mean, seriously...that's something you really have to sit down and put some thought into.
some of it though, maybe isn't nearly that hard to know or to relay to others.
by the way we live.
by our example.
the way we walk through our life...or run.
the way we talk.
our actions.
our interactions with others, whether it be family, friends, or complete strangers.
our compassion and passion.
so many things that could be the center of what we believe! geesh!
if you have been reading my latest posts,
you will know that this summer i've spent quite a bit of time, out in the ocean, trying to learn how to catch a wave...
and just a few days ago, my dad bought a longboard off of a surfer guy, and now it is sittin on my back porch, waitin to get dipped into the ocean.
it will happen soon...and i am completely nervous, scared, and excited, all at the same time.
which brings me to a couple thoughts about 'this i believe'.
each mornin i have been reading a couple of the essays, as to not fly through the book, but sort of savor each lil essay, like it was a morsel of the most delicious plate of food, ever.
i think some books are meant to go slow and some devoured.
anyways, for the last week and a half, i've been telling my friends of this really crazy awesome feeling i've been having.
like i'm walking on air.
like nothin can bring me down.
i break out into a smile for no good reason.
i can't really explain it, but it's just there.
it all started on a day that i came home from spin class,
and as i was driving home, i thought to myself,
'i have two hours til work, instead of just hangin in my apartment, i think i'll run down to the beach and catch some waves.'
and i did.
it was a really cloudy day, and i could see a storm brewing in the distance,
and pretty much as soon as i got into the water,
it began raining.
i was the only one out there.
the waves were flowing in kinda perfectly.
not too big, but not too small.
just right.
for a good hour, i caught wave after wave, during the downpour,
and on occasion, i found myself just smiling, laughing, and i even howled
a few times, after trimming off to the left or right.
i ended up catching the best wave so far of the summer...
and i was the only one to see it.
it felt like slow motion...it was a perfect feeling.
at the end of it, i was pushed so strongly to the sand,
i didn't even realized i'd gotten scratched up a lil bit, getting thrown off my board. i just stood up, and laughed and screamed, 'woooohoooooo!'
i walked home afterwards with a huge grin on my face...
when i went to work, i told my story to the young man i was working with, and we both just laughed and talked excitedly about how great life was in that very moment,
which turned into a whole other conversation.
standing there, this young guy, i only met a year ago, because of work, began to tell me what he thought of me...
and i have to be honest...i don't think i've ever heard anything as kind and as sweet as the words that came out of his mouth.
so, there i was, out in the heat of the day, with this young guy, half my age, and all i could do was look down at my running shoes and cry.
since that day, i've felt differently about a lot of things.
i've carried this happiness in my heart that's made me feel so incredible.
trying to explain it, makes no sense really.
and why try, anyways?
when i run into people, and they ask me how i'm doing...
i can't think of anything else to say, but 'i'm amazing',
'life is great', 'i couldn't be better', and the list goes on and on.
i think sometimes the thing we have to remember in our lives,
is that happiness comes and goes...
it's like a visitor.
instead of trying to figure out why or how or how long will it stay...
i think maybe we should just enjoy it.
and when someone asks you how you're doing...tell them.
spread happiness.
which brings me back to 'this i believe'.
this mornin i read one by oscar hammerstein...you know rogers and hammerstein. yep. the big time.
anyways, this is a lil snippet from what he wrote...

"i have an unusual statement to make. i am a man who believes he is happy. what makes it unusual is that a man who is happy seldom tells anyone. the unhappy man is more communicative. he is eager to recite what is wrong with the world, and he seems to have a talent for gathering a large audience. it is a modern tragedy that despair has so many spokesmen, and hope so few."

my thought is this...
yes...there are tons and tons of things that we could complain about.
yell about.
argue about.
be pissed about.
but there's also a whole hell of a lot of things to be crazily happy about.
to shout out to the mountain tops about.
to dance around about.
maybe they're small things...
but a lot of small things put together, can equal up to a pretty darned good life.
i, honey deacon, believe these things...
i believe in showing your heart.
i believe in the power of words.
i believe that if you love someone, you tell them and show them everyday.
i believe in not going to bed, mad.
i believe in saying 'i'm sorry'.
i believe in standing up and speaking up.
i believe in playing til there's no play left in you.
i believe in the joy of laughter.
i believe in the kindness of strangers.
i believe that good friends can make your life that much better.
i believe in wrap around hugs.
i believe in the sublime lovelyness of a prize. (giving them)
i believe in the equality of all people.
i believe that happiness does not come from the stuff you have, but by how you live, and how you treat others.
and yes,
i could go on for quite awhile, it seems...
i'll just stop there.
think about it...these are our guiding principles of how we live.
not to be taken lightly...but not to be so serious that we forget to just smile, laugh uncontrolabley, and maybe do a lil fist pump, hands in the air and everything :)
so, the next time someone asks you how you're doing, and you're feeling absolutely unstoppable...by all means...tell them...just like that!
people need to hear that good stuff.
a lil HFD terminology...'fo sho fo sho!' haha!
question is now...
what do you believe?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

this very moment...

so, i've just gotten back from a trip out to the great northwest...
and when i say great...
i mean GREAT! :)
the weather couldn't have been better...
the food...
the beer...
the people...
the city...
well...just everything was absolutely how you'd want it to be when you take a trip.
as i was on my adventure, and sort of walking tour of the city on a few different days, it took me back to my lil stint of living there, and this is what i came up with...
although i did come back, maybe a bit too soon, and maybe didn't give it the chance that i should have...i know too, that so many things fell right into place upon my arrival home.
in life, it seems, we can look back on decisions and wonder if they were right or wrong, kick ourselves a little bit, being unsure of what we've done, and maybe even regret the choices that we make out of gut instinct or whatever you would like to call it.
a friend and i were discussing this last night, and i was telling her about walking around portland...and how, on a few occassions, i thought to myself...'wow, honey, maybe you do run away from things too quickly, chicken out, not have enough faith in myself to just get through.'
as i was thinking this about portland and missing all of the things that this city has to offer, that home can't...
i was brought out of my dreamy thoughts, by my phone ringing...
taking me right back home and one of the reasons why it's so good to be there...
it was thomas, asking if i could come and pick him up for a play date. haha!
when i answered, it just made me laugh, and think...
'you're in the right place, honey, you don't need to question it'
which brings me to some other thoughts on this crazy life we live.
i've realized lately as well, that there are many times that we don't listen to our hearts enough...or we just don't go on our instincts...what feels right...
because for some reason, we're not really sure it could be right.
well, to that i say we have to start listening ever more deeply to what's inside of us...because 9 times out of 10, it's right on.
i'm always surprised by the sheer power and fact of how that happens...
how it's right there, in my face, saying, 'here i am'...
but there i go...not trusting...not believing...not having the faith...
in the one thing...
my gut, my heart, my instincts, my intuition...
yes, yes, yes...
we all have different thoughts and feelings and names for this thing,
but i think maybe we can all agree that it's there.
not outside of us...but inside of us.
each one of us.
the key or the answer or the trick is...
to start listening to that voice.
to step out of the crowd and pave your own path.
carve it out just the way you want it, because it is all yours.
we have this life to live...
and to consistently go with your gut, might be just the ticket.
i don't know about you, but for me...i get scared...
i sometimes just don't have an idea of which way is up, where i should be, what i should be doing...
but i do know, after this amazing week that i had in portland,
that i am in the place i should be...for now.
what surprises me the most is that it takes leaving to sometimes understand what it's like to be home.
i was completely surrounded by loads of strangers for the 8 months that i lived out there, but was somehow able to find a sense of love and understanding and peace that i may not have been able to find, sitting here, complacently, in my lil beach town.
it helped me in so many ways, that i'm still discovering.
and that is one of the truly amazing parts of this journey of life that we live.
i am so lucky in so many ways, it would take ages upon ages to enumerate all of the reasons for my luck...it makes me smile, just thinking about it.
so, when we look back on our decisions, our choices, our past...
don't worry...
don't fret...
the reasons and the regrets are just things we have to feel, then understand, then just tuck away, because there's so much more to do and so much more to learn.
i've been reading this book about mindfulness and meditation,
and it's really reminding me, if nothing else,
to stop and look around...
to be aware of the smallest of things...
and to take them in and appreciate the moment for what it is.
a moment.
but at the same time, it's a moment in YOUR life...
you have to notice that!
and finally, i'll leave you with this...
one of the other reasons i was out in portland was to attend a wedding of a very very dear friend of mine...
i kid you not...it was one of the most fantastic and beautiful weddings i've ever been to...not only because it was out on a horse farm, surrounded by the hills and valleys of the oregon countryside...but because there was this astounding feeling of love...of acceptance...of family...of celebration...of being surrounded by warmth, and yes, sunshine (they do have that in oregon sometimes. haha!)...
but what it reminded me of, and also made me know that i wanted in my life...
was to surround myself with the people that make me smile just because they walk in the room...that make me laugh...that make me remember and know what it feels like to be loved and cherished and taken care of...that have respect for you even if you are different...that have something to share that will help you grow as a person...and that maybe sometimes, even take your breath away.
here's a quote from 'on the road' by jack kerouac,
that maybe explains this a little better and more eloquently...

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everyone goes 'awwwwwwww!"

you see...
i have this...
and i am lucky,
and in this very moment,
it is as it should be,
and i'm here, right now, in this place,
and i am happy.
we do get to choose certain things in our lives.
choose wisely, because it's all yours...paint your landscape as wildly and passionately as you want to!
live, laugh, and love, my friends, live, laugh, and love.
and listen to your heart...it knows what it's talkin about, most assuredly so.
'...and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart...'