dig deep

let me start off like this...
well, actually, let's just say that life is full of surprises, right?
i mean, think about it,
every corner we seem to turn,
there's something there that we had no idea that we were going to see.
the other day i had a few early mornin hiccups to start my day.
first i was just getting ready for work...
and low and behold, my goofy toilet had decided not to flush...
i thought, 'well, okay, just get ready for work, and i'll worry about it later',
then i get to work,
and we have to do this battery watering thing on our 80 carts...
yeah, not a big deal, but to start off, this new little tool we do it with,
was fighting with me...by, basically, spurting water all over my shorts,
and even a few times, straight in my face. haha!
at that moment though, i was bit frustrated, being it was 6:30 in the mornin,
and i was not quite ready for the fight of the day.
because let's just admit right now,
that somedays are just that...
a fight.
everything we do, every person we come in contact with, every situation...
is just a fight.
at a certain point, between the takin of deep breaths to keep myself in check,
my partner i was working with walked inside the pro-shop,
and i was left, sitting quietly in my cart, looking down at my running shoes...
when suddenly i noticed this writing on the lil plastic parts that cover the end of the shoe strings...one said 'dig' and the other said 'deep'.
i was struck by the depth of those words, right there in that moment.
dig deep! wow!
it took me on this whole thought of my life,
and of the lives of the people around me.
how on somedays, relatively speaking,
we have to dig deep within ourselves to just make it.
to not explode at the slightest of things.
to not just give up, and go the wrong way.
it reminded me too, of how easy my life is...and how lucky i am.
and yes, even the luckiest people have moments that digging deep is imperative.
we all have to do it at some point or another, right?
no one gets to escape from it, really.
there are just different degrees of digging that we must do.
and the digging deep can also be brought to the table of being new...
of having the mind and attitude of a beginner.
i've heard this a few times lately...in different ways.
basically meaning that when we're new at something...
there's an excuse for mistakes,
we can look idiotic or goofy,
we can laugh at ourselves,
and it's okay.
but once we become good at something or experts...then there's less of an acceptance for errors...we're less likely to go out on a limb, and jumble some shit up.
we begin to think, 'i can't do that, i'll look stupid'.
we become too serious about ourselves.
we forget to laugh it off.
that's where the breath comes in...and that's what i've been learning about in yoga, and through reading different books on mindfulness and meditation.
learning that taking a deep breath in, can cleanse you and calm you, all at the same time.
today, i went to a yoga class, that honestly, i was thinking was one thing, and it turned out to be something totally different.
when i first walked in, i thought, 'what in the hell is this?'...
i was the only one for the first few minutes,
and i was feeling quite a bit, self conscious and gangly.
but then in my head i thought to myself, 'okay, honey, just go with it, and see what happens.'
turns out...it was kind of an interesting way to go about yoga.
i ended up having to really listen to the cues that the instructor was giving,
and the set up for it, also put the different poses into a new light for me.
it was slower and more mindful and there was a lot of focus on breathing.
i walked away from that class being pleasantly surprised by an alternate perspective of the yoga i usually go to.
because, honestly, when i first had realised that i was going to be doing something different, i was not really happy...i wanted my regular class...i wanted to be at home in that...but...nope...
there i was, on this circular mat, with this pod thing in the middle, and me wondering...'geesh, i'm glad this will only be an hour' and 'should i make a run for it?'
but i didn't...i stayed...
probably too, because i didn't want to hurt the lady's feelings that was teaching it, as pissy as i felt that it wasn't my usual class.
we humans and change...why is it so hard?
i don't know.
but i gotta tell ya...i'm glad i stayed.
which brings me back to the whole thought of 'dig deep'.
yes, none of the things i've talked about today are huge reasons to dig deep...
but as you know, very well...
life is full of moments and chances and reasons to do it...
to just dig deep.
to find something within us to pull us through, whatever we're going through.
big problems, small problems.
new things, old things.
i think one of the secrets is that sometimes, maybe,
looking at things like we're beginners,
and listening and paying attention to the cues of life,
well...maybe it could be the way to go.
embarassingly so, at 43, i've decided recently,
to start boogie boarding...
yes, it is funny...and my friends usually have a good laugh about it.
believe me :)
but the honest thing about that is...
i really love it.
the freedom of gliding across the water on the sole power of a wave...
i kid you not...it's a really cool feeling.
i find that every time, i go to stand up at the end of a ride...
i'm smiling, as i'm wiping my eyes clear of the salty water.
it's a refreshing and wonderful feeling to have, i gotta tell ya.
point being...
why not do something out of our box...
out of our realm of seriousness...
something you might want to do that may make others laugh that you're doing it.
who cares?! really?! who cares?!
as we get older, and become these experts...we can't forget that feeling of being a beginner...of digging deep...of working through all of those mistakes and failures...and building something within ourselves that's beautiful and amazing.
we all have it somewhere in there, in our hearts, that sometimes, we forget to use, even if it is beating strongly for us...we forget to listen to it.
and for some reason, we don't trust it.
we forget that each day is a day that we have to dig deep.
to live and to be.
i leave you with this...
if on any given day, you're feelin as if you're not going to make it or that you're not enough or you don't have the skill for this or that...
think this...'i am large; i contain multitudes'
yep...walt whitman happened to know some stuff, it's true.
the truth is in that quote, completely...
you may have to look hard...
but it's there...
you're there...
multitudes, my friends, multitudes.
so,
be the beginner, always...
and,
dig as deep as you can.
you may surprise yourself.
geez, for that matter,
you may surprise everyone around you.
wouldn't that be a treat?