Tuesday, February 14, 2012

'remember who you are'

recently, i was at a friend's house, watching the super bowl...
and afterwards, we stood outside, havin this conversation about everything pretty much, known to man...our past...our present...and our future.
i remember thinkin how cool it was,
because it was actually one of my good friend's boyfriends that i watched the bowl with.
she was out of town with business stuff,
so, it was just him and i, and her kids,
hangin out...
we had subs and drank beer...
there we were, just watchin the game...
like peeps do...makin comments about the game and the commercials...
telling stories to her kids.
all in all, it was an interesting night...hangin out with this new guy friend of mine...
the kind of guy that gives massive man hugs...
the kind of guy that can build anythin...
knows every kind of plant...
can cook a mean breakfast...
he's thoughtful, kind, and loving to my friend (which is what you want for all of your friends right?)
i mean, this guy...he's the shit...he is!
anyways...i felt like i needed to describe him to you because something he said that night, has stuck with me...
i haven't been able to get it out of my head...
and i've been trying to think of how exactly i should share it with you to make it have the affect that it did for me or to me...which one of these i don't know...maybe both.
anyways, we were talking about our younger days,
about going out, the things we did and didn't do.
and he told me that when he got to the age that he was beginning to go out to parties and drink,
that every time he'd leave his house,
he said his mother wouldn't go into what his curfew was, because she knew he wasn't goin to make it, she wasn't goin to preach to him either because he probably wouldn't hear her...
basically, she would say to him...'just remember who you are'
he told me, when she would say that, he'd think, 'dang, mom, why'd you have to say that? anything but that!'
haha!
so, i've been thinkin about this quote non-stop...
'remember who you are'
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
who you are.
that's serious business, isn't it?
to know this, is to know all things...
or more truthfully, to know the most important thing.
it's really made me contemplate, who i actually am.
since then, i've been sorta listing things in my head of who i am...to me.
like where i came from...my family...how i grew up...the people i was surrounded by...
the people who taught me...if i studied...the churches i grew up in...
the crazy puppet ministry...yep...i said puppet ministry. hahahhaha! (that was for you, justin! hahahahaha!)
youth group...countless choirs and choir tours...
wacky hours spent playing basketball every chance i got.
tennis, tennis, tennis...pitching a baseball at my parents wooden fence, with a painted circle for the strike zone, sure that i was gonna be a pitcher for some amazing baseball team.
wow! that was loud! how did my parents just let me do that, over and over again?! haha!
the list keeps going, believe me...
thing after thing of which makes me who i am today...
and yet still...
there are days, that i just don't know.
where i'm goin, what i'm doin, or who i am.
a friend and i were talkin today, after yoga, as we were drivin home,
and she was sayin how sometimes she looks back at her choices in men,
and wonders, 'what was i thinkin?!'
we were both giggling about it as we were rollin down the road,
and we decided that these people that we look back at...we're not regretful about being with them...on the contrary...
we're happy we experienced it...because they're the one's that have helped us figure out what we truly want in a partner, and how we want to be as well.
so, even when the experience is not so great...we still usually learn something from it.
and some of them...well, some of them...you just have to be able to look back at, and laugh, and think, 'what in the world was i thinkin?!' haahahahha!
all of this stuff...all of it...
shapes and molds who we are.
so, each day, as of late...i've been walking out the door in the morning, and repeating that phrase to myself to make sure i'm paying attention...
'remember who you are'
am thinkin that it will remind me to pay attention to my words and to my actions.
i don't know about you,
but there are days, that i'm not so proud of what i've said or how i've reacted to something...
days that i look back and think, 'what are you doing?' or 'who are you?'
days that i'm just tired and unsure...
days that i wonder if it will all ever make any sense.
and i guess, the worst one is the fear that i'm not the person that i can be because i'm too busy trying to be someone else rather than just owning up to who i actually am...full of issues, failures, and idiosyncrasies...
yeah...i'm talkin about the pretty stuff :)
thing is...
our lives are full of this shit...everywhere we turn, there's a reason to give up, to stop, to not even start, to hate, or to not love...
yeah...everywhere...
but i think, it's exactly at that point that we have to remind ourselves to 'remember who you are'
because before anythin ever creeped in your head about doubt of yourself...you just did it...you just went out and did it...you dreamed it...you lived it...
then somewhere along the way, we forget who we are...
we forget what we're made of...all those little things that we grew up learning and doing and being...all of that.
the joy and excitement of it all, that's what we need to dig back into.
yes, yes, yes...we do learn a lot from the mistakes we've made, for sure.
i'm not denying that in the least.
but that good stuff...that good stuff that we had as kids...pure and simple...
without fear or regard of what we looked liked...
that's it.
in yoga class, when there's a pose that you can't quite get down into,
we use a block to assist us...and sometimes the teacher comes around and adjusts us because they can see our position a lil better than we can...there are also times that we hold each other up in balance poses, just by a simple touch.
the beautiful part of all of that is that when you walk into yoga, they're always reminding you to let go of all of that stuff that holds you back. basically, all of those things that you tell yourself, that aren't true...that sometimes we are actually our own worst enemies.
if we could get out of our own way, we might just surprise ourselves.
so, my thought is this...
maybe it's just a good idea to ask yourself each day to 'remember who you are'...
and in that remembering...a lot of good things could come to you and the people around you.
oscar wilde once said, 'just be yourself, everyone else is taken.'
but first you have to ask yourself something...
who are you?

2 comments:

  1. These posts of yours are really coming along. I'm glad you made the jump to a real blog & I'll take the quality over the quantity..

    I think it's a good point you bring up and the more and more people are living in on line worlds, mediated less and less by those physicaly around them,, the easier it becomes to loose touch with who you are vs. who you portray to be in online spaces.

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  2. thanks for your encouragement, cass! and you're right...it's way easy to forget who we are in this world today...easily distracted by all that's going on around us.
    hiding behind this and that. it's a good reminder, when we walk out our door into the actual physical world to remember who we are. thanks for reading :)

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