resting on the mouse...

it's funny, as i was sitting here, in my window spot...
trying to decide whether or not i had anything to write today,
my hand was resting on the mouse,
but i was afraid to click, just in case i began to type,
and had nothing of consequence to say. haha!
i literally sat here for several minutes,
unsure of the click. haha!
completely funny, right?
i'm seriously laughing at myself at the moment,
because then i realized as well...that if i didn't have anything to say,
i could just hit cancel...no big thing.
amazing the amount of stress we put on ourselves to perform...
and here i am...performing.
anyways, that being said and done...
maybe i should just tell you what i usually do...
stories.
as most of you are recovering from thanksgiving feasts and families...
i am too.
it was actually quite an amazing and lovely week, truth be told.
my three brothers were here, and it may have been the first time in 10 years or more that we've all been together for a holiday.
so, yeah...it was pretty fabulous, to say the least.
loads of food, drink, stories, laughter, jokes, pictures, kids running around, hugging and kissing (well, because in my family, we're an affectionate crew of people, mostly you can't be in the room with someone, and not touch them, in some way, that's how we roll. if you've been around us, you pretty much know this)
anyways, thanksgiving always seems to be a build up for the days to come.
reuniting with family and friends...
it's definitely a time that you can look on and know that you are surrounded...
by love.
now...don't get me wrong...
family doesn't always mean love...
but in the end...
through the arguments...
the breaking of plates and martini glasses...
knife fights (that's for you stevo)...
complete disagreements about politics and the world...
about how we should or shouldn't be raising our kids...
to drink or not to drink...
all these things that can make you walk away from the table...
what brings us back?
that makes you look across the table,
and still be thankful that they are there...
that makes you say...'hey, i don't agree with you...but i love you, just the same'.
whether it be family or friends...
it's a beautiful thing to be able to fight through...
and love...
and end up laughing at each other,
because of the way we look, while we're fighting.
yes, there are a lot of serious things that go on in this world,
most definitely,
but i think the thing that makes all of that bearable...
is who we surround ourselves with.
it's an interesting thing in life, as we grow older, to figure out what people we'd rather be around...the people that we choose to call friends are many times different from who we would have chosen as children...
the things that matter the most are usually 180 degrees different from what we thought when we were 12 years old. (thank god, eh? haha!)
although life was more simple then...
there were times, i'm sure, that we worried about what others thought...
more than we needed to.
there are times that i feel that sense of worry now,
and i have to remind myself of who i am...
who i've been becoming for these 42 years...almost 43 now.
and who i will continue to become...
by constant study, reading, and learning...hopefully growing through all this.
our parents, when we were small, would tell us...
'pick your friends, don't let them pick you'
it's funny to think of that...
but oh, so true.
i don't know about you, but it's a good day to me, when i can sit with my friends, and share food or a glass of wine, a cup of coffee...whatever really...and just sit...and soak in the goodness of community...
the feeling that these people that i've chosen to share myself with...
are people that care deeply for me, for what happens to me...
and i, for them.
it's amazing, in the grand scheme of things...
of all that goes on in this crazy ass world...
how good it can make you feel...
to just know that they are there.
it makes all the difference to me, of that i am sure.
as i've told you before, i've been reading this book, 'freedom from the known'...
by krishnamurti...
it's been a struggle, to say the least,
because many things he says...make sense...but also are so out there...
i have to admit, it kinda scares me to think that there was this man that was so unbelievabley open minded about life...about everything.
wow!
i'd love to strive to be this way, but as i read this last chapter,
that i was making my way through...it did make me wonder if it was possible...
but he said something pretty interesting and funny, at the end of it...
about we, as people, in general, looking at things, and wanting to take time to think them over and decide how we should or shouldn't feel about it...
and what he says is this (bear in mind, this chapter was about the violence in the world, and in ourselves, in the nature of man, basically, and how to change the view of it, saying that we must begin within ourselves...because violence is not only physical, it is mental as well)...
"...the most dreadful statements one can make, 'i will try'. there is no trying, no doing your best. either you do it or you don't do it. you are admitting time while the house is burning. the house is burning as a result of the violence throughout the world and in yourself and you say, 'let me think about it. which ideology is best to put out the fire?' when the house is on fire, do you argue about the colour of the hair of the man who brings the water?"

okay, i will admit...that out of context, this may be a little strange to read...
especially after i was just talking about thanksgiving, love, and friendship.
yep...maybe a little less coffee this morning would help. haha!
i just like to share the things i'm reading...or i should say struggling through, as a form of educating myself to the world...but if you think about it...
it all comes down to letting go...
and living with our eyes and hearts wide open...
doesn't it?
not the easiest thing to do...
because the first thing we want to do is decide and judge and contemplate.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
having faith in something is a really great thing...
but what if it gets in the way of seeing what is?
that's a hard one to take in, you know?
i guess though, that's all part of the learning process, isn't it?
and coming full circle through all of these problems and questions...
of life...
i'm thankful to have good people to be surrounded by...
to listen to, to talk to, and to learn from as well.
because around every corner of our lives...
there is learning to be done.
thanks to my family and friends for teaching me,
and being with me while i learn.
my cup runneth over...most assuredly so.