dance with the one who brought you

so, am thinking that a little look back might be nice...
although, in the krishnamurti sense of things...
we shouldn't look back, and living and reacting because of the past experiences,
may very well be a bad idea...since supposedly that would be not living, but digging up the stuff that is dead and gone,
instead of living in the here and now...what's happening this very moment, that is...not jaded by the past.
old reactions and old feelings.
but
all that aside,
because, yes,
that would be a really courageous way to live...
sometimes,
seems completely impossible, you know?
i mean...
we are who we are, because of the things that we've done, the things that have happened to us, the people we've met, the people we've fallen in love with, our parents, our childhoods...etc, etc...
the list could, seriously, just go on and on and on!
and there is that saying, 'live and learn', right?
so, i guess the thing is that we have to pick and choose what is most important for us...
what fits us...who we are...what we can be most comfortable with...and maybe, just a little uncomfortable,
because, after all...we still should always leave room to grow, shouldn't we?
sort of like when we buy a shirt or a pair of pants...
i don't know about you, but i'm always thinkin, 'what happens after i wash this?' or 'hmmmmm...what if i gain 5 lbs?'
room to grow :) haha! but seriously, folks...
so, what i was thinking about looking back on...now that i've explained and given justification about looking back...
i was giving thought to the moments in life that things become clear...like an answer comes to you out of nowhere...
that moment that you know everything will be okay, because you just feel it, deep down inside, for no reason.
that kind of moment.
so, take a deep breath, and think about it...
and let me be the first to say, that, for me, these things happen usually after quite a bit of waiting and overthinking and worrying...and yes, honestly, i know this isn't the way to go, believe me...but i know myself well enough to know, that it is who i am...an over-analizer...i think what everything means...gestures...occurrences...tones...yes, that's me.
but i will also admit...right about the time i relax and let go and concentrate on other things...and quit worrying about the outcome...
well...that's right about the time that truth shows itself.
'patience, grasshopper', comes to mind. haha!
it's the other things that comes without thought, that are the most surprising...those simple moments.
like looking across the living room at your best friend, and realizing you're in love with them...and they remember that same moment! crazy!
like walking off the 18th green, towards the clubhouse, and having the girl of your dreams, waiting for you (red t-shirt with a russian saying on it, faded jeans)
like listening to the rambling-est voice message in the world, understanding right then, that the leaver of that message, loves you.
like getting an email from an ex, out of nowhere...when she's the one you've been waiting for the whole time.
yes, i must say...although i haven't been lucky in having those people stay in my life...
those moments...well...wow...i'll never forget them...
that feeling of elation and surprise and ultimate happiness.
it certainly is the most simple and fantastically insane thing that can happen to a person!
most certainly!
and as luck would have it...i've been there!
yes, i know what you're thinking...
geesh...always talking about love! haha!
i know, right?!
i just can't help it, really i can't!
i was thinking about it the other day...about how all of a sudden, out of nowhere...how i came to the conclusion that i was finally passed the point of holding onto something that had been crippling me...
i thought of how calm and self assured i felt...
for no other reason than that knowing feeling...
that feeling of release of what shit i was holding onto!
god! how complicated we make our life, when it's just so damn simple!
why do we, as humans, feel that great need to hold on?!
fear, my friends, fear.
of losing,
of loving,
of not being loved,
of feeling and looking stupid,
and yes, this list could go on and on as well.
the thing is and the reason why i felt the urge to look back,
was that i was thinking that sometimes it's a good idea to remind ourselves of those moments in our lives,
that these things happened without us even trying...whilst we were looking the other way,
happiness, knowledge, enlightenment, answers, and yes, even love...you know i wasn't gonna leave that one out.
when you're having a day that doesn't seem so successful or close to failure...
remember that these wild crazy things do happen and will happen...ranging from small to grandiose.
they happen!
and nope...we can't live in the past...for sure, we cannot and should not do that...
but...
and this is a big big but...
i think we must remember and be aware of what brought us here,
to this place...to this second...to this minute...to this breath.
and if for but a moment, it can bring a smile to your face,
when it's been a long time since you've had one...
then, by all means...
remember these things, and be thankfully glad to have been blessed by their arrival.
carry these feelings around like a sort of badge of courage...
because, let's not lie to ourselves...some days it seems that we do need a shield to protect us from all the crap, flying our way, but the good news is...surprises happen all the time...the impossible becomes possible...
and most assuredly so, we are much stronger than we imagine ourselves to be.
willie nelson is coming to me in the form of ... 'to all the girls i've loved before...' hahahhahaha!
and no, not the one with julio iglesias :)
chin up, my friends...
and by all means, remember who you are and where you came from.