always becoming...

it's been a few weeks since my last posting,
and the funny thing is that, little ideas and thoughts creep up inside of my head, i hear them and then, more often than not, i forget them. haha!
i guess there's something to be said for writing things down, when they come up.
but nope, not me...i figure i'm gonna remember, if it's important, or a good idea.
like asking for directions or something :)
then when i sit down, i inevitabley can't remember it at all.
so, today i sit here with a hodge podge of ideas and thoughts and stories...
what to do, what to do...
i just walked in from watching the sun come up...one of my favorite things to do...so calming and invigorating...watching the slow rise, and thinking of all the possibilities for the day.
this morning was a lil buggy, so not quite as calming, but the gist of it all is there. i felt sort of like dean griswold from 'vacation'...i saw it, bobbed my head a little, smiled, and walked home.
i recently went to colorado for my nephew's commissioning in the army.
it was sort of a family trip.
sitting in the room with all of these accomplished soldiers that are ready to give their lives for their country kind of puts life in a different perspective.
my day consists of going to work at a golf course, schlepping bags to and fro, taking naps, reading books, working out, and if i'm lucky, hanging out with my friends and family.
i live paycheck to paycheck...wouldn't know what it feels like to have savings.
i can't pretend to understand the thought process of a soldier either...and honestly, guns scare the shit out of me! i don't even like to be in the same room with one, even if it's unloaded...it brings this tension to my body that i can't begin to explain. i guess maybe it's the sheer force and power that it puts in a person's hand that freaks me out.
anyways, the reason i'm telling you these things is that,
i live my life the way i do, not completely thinking about how others are living theirs.
oblivious to the fact that there's this whole section of people in our country, that are, as ani difranco would put it, 'armed to the teeth'...
this brotherhood of leading and following.
watching my older brother, a retired marine, give the oath to my nephew, brought tears to my eyes, and was completely unexpected to have this emotion.
for me, it would most likely be familial pride that brought the tears...
but also just watching these people sacrifice for their country is kind of amazing, i can't lie.
as liberal as i am...not bringing politics into this at all...
and not understanding most of the reasons behind wars or why there are people that are oppressed and why there are people that are dictators or why in the world we all just can't get along...none of that...
i'm just talking about...this unselfish giving of one's self.
body and soul.
to a cause.
it's overwhelming.
who i am is a total bleeding heart, i can't hide that.
i won't make excuses for it. it's who i am.
but i also feel quite lucky to live where i live,
to do what i do,
to say whatever i feel, right out loud,
to love who i love, and not be afraid,
to disagree, and it be okay to do so...
all these things...i feel truly lucky to be right here.
life is full of so many instances where we must stop ourselves and wonder what is going on inside of us.
why are we feeling this or that?
what brings the emotion out of us?
the important thing is to always question it, or more so, look inward,
and see what you see.
after all, we can't be afraid of what's inside of us.
and before we can look at anyone else with an open heart,
we have to be able to know exactly who we are...
every freckle, every wrinkle, and every scar.
of course, in this whole grand scheme of things...we are forever changing and evolving...make no mistake about it though, we are in control of only one thing...who we are or who we choose to be.
no blame can be placed on anyone else.
be that.
but pay attention.
thing is, when i was sitting in that room of people in colorado springs,
it made me feel a bit small...like, hey, i'm gonna fly back to florida, work on a golf course, go to spin and yoga, feed and cloth myself, go boogie boarding...you get the idea...the life of leisure, i have.
i guess that's all part of that circle of things.
and having the freedom to do so is the best thing on earth!
what does the army say?
'be all you can be'
hmmmmmmmmmm...
wherever you are and whatever you are doing...
that might be the idea...
be all you can be...
you just have to figure out what that is...
thus, the search continues...
always becoming...one of my favorite quotes from my yoga teacher.
if you think about it...
it's true...
we are...
always becoming.
if nothing else in this world is true...
you do have a hand in who you are becoming.
that's a huge responsibility!
be.
just you!
always and forever becoming.
question is...
what are you becoming?