Saturday, June 11, 2011

grabbing desperately...

"we are people who have lost our peace.
having lost it, we look for it everywhere...
we more than look;
in fact, we grab desperately.
until we remember that our own capacity to love is what we truly seek..."
those words are from marianne williamson...
i run across quotes by her all the time,
and i have to say, they all have such greatness and depth...
and well...love.
which, as you know...i kinda love :)
anyways, i felt like starting out my lil blogosphere with a bit of love today...
and honestly...i kinda like to start off with a lil love everyday...
wherever it may come from...accidentally or on purpose.
last night was friday, and i've been a bit of a hermit this week,
so, i had it in my mind that i was going to get out...
if not for too much, at least for a drink.
so, i went out for a late drink/snack with a good friend, at our local spot, that we always tend to migrate to, because it's comfortable and relaxed...
one of those places that you know the people that work there,
and the usual suspects that go there as well.
anyways, we were sitting there and talking about our day's at work and otherwise,
and, of course, i launch into this story of a grocery store visit that i had had that afternoon...i don't know about you, but there seem to be those days, that people just speak to you...and they tell you of their life and what's going on in it...and yes, these are people you don't know at all, but for some reason, they're talking to you.
so, basically, on this trip of mine...i had this kind of experience...an older woman just began to talk to me as i was getting out of my car to go inside...she was sweet and by herself, and i guess just wanted to tell me that my car was cute, but then launched into why she lived on our island, and that all the reasons she moved there, were moving away...
the thing is...i realize that, when i was sittin in my car, door open, finishin a text to a friend, and i looked up and saw this lil old lady rollin her cart next to my car, i was smilin and said hello, and asked if i was in the way, and that i would take her cart when she was done with it...that's all it took...and there she went...telling me her story.
i guess sometimes that's all it takes is an ivitation by way of a simple hello or smile.
and yes, i know that there are days, that we just don't have time to stand and listen or be patient enough to let someone just talk and say what happens to be mulling around in their heads...they obviously need to spill it, so, maybe it's just something that happens...and sometimes we have to just let it happen.
by the end of my grocery trip...i was checking out and the cashier went on a 10 minute spree of these really terribley sad stories...
i have to admit, it was strange to hear, because i don't know this woman personally, but for some reason, there she was, telling me her stories that were trapped in there somewhere, in her head.
there were 3 people in line behind me, and i felt their eyes boring into me, or maybe more like wondering if this woman was ever going to stop talking...it made me completely nervous, and then made me feel very sorry for the cashier, wondering why in the world she was telling me all of this?
i walked away in a state of sadness at this woman's stories.
an innocent trip to the grocery store,
and there i was contemplating the loneliness of the checkout lady.
geez.
as i was driving away, there was another older woman, walking across the walkway...
very very slow...as i sat there and waited...it took me into this whole state of thought of how she would make it around the store...how would she get her bags into here house...was she completely alone...
needless to say...i cried driving out of the parking lot,
thinking of these women...alone in their thoughts...and in their lives as well.
which brings me full circle to the drink i was having with my friend,
and the stories we were telling each other...
because during all of that,
a few of my other friends walked in,
and stood there for a few minutes,
we all hugged and talked and laughed with each other...
and the thought that rings true to me, during those moments with the people i love and care about...looking into the eyes of these people...and knowing that what each and every one of us is looking for, at the end of the day, is a few human souls that understand us, that hear us, that love us even with all of our frailties and failures, and misguided thoughts and actions...
that right there...they can look into your eyes...and know you...without fail...
and yes, sometimes even without logic :)
because let's face it, there seems to be no logic in love...
they just don't go together most of the time.
which is cool...everything can't make sense in life, right?
a little mystery is good for the soul, i say.
so, let me repeat...
"we are people who have lost our peace.
having lost it, we look for it everywhere...
we more than look; in fact, we grab desperately.
until we remember that our own capacity to love is what we truly seek..."
i'd like to think that as we desperately grab for this peace,
that along the way, we can find some bit of solace in the eyes that we are looking into...whether it be a friend, a family member, a partner, a wife or a husband...
but someone.
george elliot once said..."blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul to another."
i have to say...i am blessed with an abundance of influence...
and i am lucky.

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