mirrors of you...

ever have those times that you just feel as if there's too much to say?
well...i'm kinda thinkin that this time, is one of those times for me.
just coming off a fantastic weekend away from home in atlanta,
and so many things are floating around in this head of mine,
i can't even begin to tell you...
but
i'll try to make some of it make a little sense.
i do have to say how amazing a change of scenery is for the psyche!
wowzers! no lie, right?!
honestly, just strolling through the piedmont park,
or trapsing through lil 5, into abadaba, my fave shoe spot, (which, by the way, got some sweet ass kicks)
or hangin in virginia highlands, browsing through shops,
and basically, people watching.
it's one of the funny things that happens to you, when you're not at home,
and you're not thinking about your job, paying bills, or working out...
you're just enjoying each moment as it comes along,
moments of thinking, 'man, why don't i live here?' or 'oh, my god, so nice to see others just like me'...
i'm not alone! wow!
and nope, we aren't alone, ever, to be perfectly honest...
but yes, there are days that you can feel absolutely alone in the person that you are,
or how you feel, or maybe even what you stand for.
the important part of that is...
that you just are that...you...nothing else.
no walls, no guards (as much as we want to put them up), no excuses.
just you.
through the years of friends, family, and girlfriends, i've realized that we are different people with different people.
we know the things we can say and do around certain people.
and we live accordingly, many times.
i could lie and say that i'm always the same person with everyone...
but i'm not...definitely not.
and in some ways, maybe that's okay...
but in some ways, i'm thinking that i have to learn to shed all of that worry about whether or not,
this person or that person can handle it or not,
who i am.
and who we are is important!
so important!
i was laughing with a friend the other day when we were talking about love stuff,
and i was explaining myself and how i am to her,
and saying basically, i wish i could just be normal, like i am with every other person,
with a person i have feelings for...
instead, i'm nervy, worried about what i'm saying, how it comes out, how i look, stumbling over things,
and googley eyed and headed. it's pretty fantastically hilarious, really! haha!
but what we were saying was, 'wow, if that person could only know us as we really are, they'd probably like us much more'...
'i'm so much funnier usually!' haha!
which also brings me to my other thought...
trying to always look inwardly, and figure out the things that aren't so great about what's inside of us,
it becomes pretty difficult to look at...because seemingly there are so many things to work on.
always becoming, right?
right.
the total truth is...no matter what...
looking inwardly, and knowing our downfalls, and owning up to them,
is just the beginning of rolling forward, and becoming.
there's no easy way to look in a mirror.
it's almost like looking into one of those crazy mirrors at a cosmetics counter.
oy veh!
scary close and magnified!
seeing every pore and every blemish...ugh...
but then again...if we don't look that closely, how will we ever grow as individuals?
in yoga today, my instructor was talking about being our own worst critics, and also the way each of us see's differently.
no matter what...we may be looking at the same sunrise, the same work of art, or watching the same movie...
but we all will most definitely take what we want from it or put our own spin on what's happening.
it's just human nature, the way we live, the things we've been through steer us to the way we see it all.
the philosopher, krishnamurti believed that instead of reacting to things because of past experiences,
and notions that we've come to through those experiences,
that we should just be right in the moment, without judgement,
somehow without thought, and revel in that exact moment.
to me, i wonder how you could make it through life without living on those past experiences.
sounds interesting though, but seemingly really hard to live without thought of your thoughts!
geez!
haha!
alright, alright...confusing right?
so, let's just say this...we're so quick to judge all of what's going on around us,
that maybe, just maybe, we're sort of forgetting to let the universe just take care of it...
and have some faith that things do have a way of working themselves out.
i have a humongous struggle with this always. always thinking of the right things to do and say.
always making extra efforts at certain things that i really and truly have no control over.
it's one of my most idiotic frailties...but yes, it is who i am though...hard for a leopard to change it's spots :)
we love who we love, we are who we are, whatever will be will be....yep yep...all songs. haha!
i guess what we must remember through all of the introspection,
a few things...
first of all, the root of the word education is educere, which means to draw forth from within...
secondly, the philosopher carl rogers once said, 'the curious paradox is that when i accept myself just as i am, then i can change'
and last...there's a turkish proverb that goes like this...'no matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back'
and yeah, right, you may be wondering why i'm quoting all of these things...
but i guess the reason being that for ages and ages people have been thinkin, writin, and talkin about just this...
change, who we are, acceptance, love, and looking within to find all of the answers.
and no matter how hokey it does sound, my friends...
the answers...
all of them...
are right there...
inside of you.
yes, i have a hard time believing that i have all the answers, although i'm pretty sure my dad thinks he does...
at least, that's what he always says. haha!
but seriously and honestly...
to be simple and truthful to yourself, and believe in the power within you to understand and perhaps to endure...
well, then, yes, yes, yes, it is within all of us.
we just actually have to believe it...
then...
who knows what can happen, right?
right!
i leave you with this,
as i was driving up to atlanta this passed week, i was excited, and listening to music,
singing and dancing in my car, and dreaming of the good time i was about to have...
and this rap song came on as i was shuffling through the stations...
in the song, there was a line that i took away with me...
the rapster said, 'everyone dies, but not everyone lives'...
hmmmmmmmm...
prophetic words from a booty shaking song, i can't lie...
but hey,
i choose to live.
i mean seriously, guys...
why not live?!
to fullest and brightest extent that we can!
not apologizing for who we are constantly...
but just as we say at the end of yoga...namaste...
the light in me recognizes the light in you...
right on, i say! right on!
all the crap we tell ourselves thats no good...cast that out...
and live!
after all, we only this one life to do it in...
unless, of course, you believe otherwise...and hey, that's a whole other discussion.
but let's just say...
live it now...and be you...
and if you need a change of scenery to wake up and smell the coffee...
then by all means, do that too!
supposedly though, we don't have to go anywhere to figure all that out...
you can pretty much do it from wherever you are...
as for me, i can't lie...getting away, seems to clear space for everything i seem to hold onto,
and reminds me of what i've left behind, what i've been missing, and how lucky i am to have an amazing place to come back to.
which brings me back around the point...
we're all different, we all see what we see, and do what we do.
the importance of knowing thyself is life changing and mind blowing and world becoming, for sure.
so, look in the mirror, don't be afraid...even if it is scary...to see all that...
know that what you're seeing in that mirror,
carries within itself...
all that you need.
you.