what led me here...

before i start off on my ramblings...
i just kinda wanted to make mention of the fact that i made it passed my 1000 hit mark this week...
i've been aiming for it, and quite excited about it as well...
and basically, none of that would have happened without you guys, checkin in, here and there...
i appreciate it, more than you know...and more than you can possibly imagine!
so, thank you!
of course, now that i've passed that mark...really what was it all about? haha!
onto the next goal right? hmmmmmm...
i guess, in life, we're always setting little marks for ourselves...
then, when we pass them...what do we do? make another mark.
it seems to be a never ending circle, doesn't it?
but i guess, in a lot of ways, we just like to know where we've come from or where we've been...
something like that...
and as long as we keep rollin on, it's nice to make little marks...
sort of like the little marks that you make when you're little,
against the door jamb, to see how much taller you've gotten from one year to the next.
which brings me to my actual thought for this day of blogging.
a few weeks ago, when one of my best friends was in town...
the one i ran around the beach, taking goofy pictures with...that one...
anyways, her and her hubby were making a little driving cd for the trip back to atlanta...
and lucky for me, they made me a copy.
i've totally been driving and singing to it for the last several weeks.
one of the songs on there is a darius rucker song about life and decisions and near misses.
basically...those things being what shape your life, and end up bringing you to this exact moment.
ranging from small things like missed traffic lights, to not being accepted to the college of your choice, and having to go to a different one.
little bit of a destiny song, really.
it's a pretty happy song, that has taken me into work and made me in a good mood, i can't lie.
it makes me think back on the many different decisions in my life that led me to an amazing array of spots and stories and loves.
most of us can pin point some of these things exactly as they happened.
for me, there were some pretty big ones...
such as...
deciding to work at a golf course, after my first teaching job...
there i met one of my close friends, (in between all of this time, i moved to arizona, turned down a teaching job in napa valley, and then ended up in another teaching job in jacksonville) then i ended up caddying for her on the european and the lpga tours...
and from that, i met one of the most amazing loves of my life, which in turn was the reason for me finally coming out of the closet to all of my family and friends...
which, i'm not gonna pretend at all...was crazily huge, and to be perfectly honest, i know i would have eventually come out, but it was definitely the impetus behind getting out...i remember distinctly her saying...'i can't imagine being with some one who isn't out'...
and that was it for me...i drove 16 hours home from connecticut, and let it out.
from there i ended up broken hearted,
but somehow lucked into another teaching job,
in which i met another awesome friend, that was one of the reasons i walked into a local coffee shop,
and met the next love of my life...which phenomenally changed my scope of life and love in all ways.
she even showed me a different side to having a family, which i was never really sure i'd ever have.
there was even a day that i woke up last year, while trying to make the decision to move home from oregon,
the day after i had made the decision to stay for the summer, then come home...
well, i woke up and had this strong urge to just go home...
i quit my job, sold my things, jumped in my cube, drove down the pch, and across america, and came home...
not a month and a half after being home, found out my dad had a brain tumor...which amazingly so...has fully recovered from.
wowzers! that's all i can muster up to say about that.
besides those decisions, there have been smaller one's, such as those nights that you feel as though, 'i should get out tonight, i'm feeling good'...and low and behold...great things happen...
like meeting a great friend...running into an old friend...or randomly ending up, meeting a sexy girl, that, by the end of the night, you're driving home, 4 in the morning, laughing and hooting out your window, wondering how it all happened! (shirt unbuttoned!) haha!
yes, yes, yes...life can be a whirlwind of near misses and straight on collisions, i'm here to tell ya!
which brings me back to the darius rucker song...
'...thank god for all i missed, cuz it led me here to this...'
all things lead to this moment, basically...
every action, reaction, decision, indecision...
here we are.
and we are here, because of all that, aren't we?
i'm here to say, i'm so glad that i didn't move when i thought i should have,
that i had my heart broken when i did,
that i went out when i felt that it was right,
that i said what i needed to say, when i just couldn't hold it in...
because the truth of all of that is that i'm in this exact spot because of it...
and i've had some kind of astounding luck with it all!
my bad luck has turned out to be good luck...which, if you think about it, is utterly insane! haha!
as i've told you before, i regularly go to yoga...
and one of the things that is always being talked about is being in the moment.
of sort of being in your breath.
relaxing into a pose, and losing all thought of anything else...
i have to admit though, that there are times that this works,
because you're in so much pain, all you can do is be in that moment. haha!
nothing else is affecting you, basically.
you're staring at a spot on the wall, a crystal, a light socket, whatever it is...
and you're breathing.
that's all there is, right then...is that moment exactly, as you wait expectantly for the yogi to say the next pose...
but even then, you're getting ahead of yourself...you just have to be right there, feeling each muscle aching,
each drip of sweat dropping, each inhale and exhale...
settling into where you are.
it's teaching me a lot about living in the moment...and enjoying life, if at all possible without judgement of that moment either way...
as it comes, live it, appreciate it for what it is, learn your lessons, and know that more are around the corner.
so, the next time you're leaving the house,
and you forget something inside,
have to go back in and get it...
who knows? maybe that will be just enough time for the red light to be missed,
for that person to walk into the coffee shop,
for that dog to get across the street,
or for that reckless driver not be anywhere near you.
near misses and head on collisions, my friends...life is full of them.
as socrates would say, true learning comes from remembering.
look back, remember, and be thankful for what you've missed out on...
and what has smacked you right in the kisser.
all of that has brought you to this exact moment.
take it in and go with it.