what's in a name...

i'm gonna hit the ground running today with you guys...
i realized the other day that i hadn't actually explained the story behind my blog name...
although there are a few of you that already know it,
there are probably a lot more that don't.
and most likely, you were just thinkin that was part of my name, basically...
and weren't thinkin of it at all. haha!
but there is a story behind the name, so, am thinking that it's pretty worth sharing now.
now that i've posted 30 spots...i'm feelin as if we know each other well enough to let you in on this secret...
so, mom, close your ears, because, yes, she's been asking me to change it...
but, to me, it's kind of important and i'm compelled to keep it the way it is.
so, here goes...
i should preface this by saying that i grew up in hilliard, a very very small town, (at the time i was there...we only had one red light)
just down the road from here...from the time i was in 3rd grade til the time i graduated...
then we moved here...to this luscious lil island.
anyways, back to the story...
last year, as some of you know, i lived in portland, oregon, for an 8 month stint.
i came home for christmas though, and i was in contact with one of my friends that i grew up with,
and we had decided that we were going to meet up for a beer or two or three :)
we decided that, for kicks, we'd meet up at the local bar in hilliard called 'the tree house lounge'.
so, on the given night, i borrowed my mom's car and drove over there...a 35 minute drive through the woods, basically,
and there we met...i have to admit, i was a little bit nervous, being i'd only been in this bar one other time,
after all of my friends and i had graduated from college...we thought it would be fun to hit this little local honky tonk.
so, i waited for my buddy to get there and we walked in together...
his family has owned the bar since i can remember, so, everyone knew him, and i actually got in for free...he, being like royalty there.
immediately, i felt a bit out of place...wearing my 'peace, love, harvard' tshirt with a long sleeve shirt under it,
and my poofy patagonia vest with a beanie cap on as well.
but hey, i grew up here, so i was talking myself into the fact that i belonged there too.
anyways, we sat down and ordered, and as the night progressed, more and more people walked in...
the music system was blaring the latest country tunes, and we were catching up on life.
next thing you know...person after person came up to say hello, and all saying, 'hey, aren't you honey deacon, i'm blankity blank, don't you remember me?'...sometimes i did remember, sometimes not...being it had been almost 25 years since i had seen some of them...and people do change...not me, just other people. haha!
anyways, one guy said to me, 'hey, have you seen so and so, i'm pretty sure she bats for your team'...
i couldn't quite remember who he was talking about, but then after some time of back and forth,
he decides to get her and bring her over.
turns out, as soon as i saw her face, i remembered who she was.
we laughed loud and hard when we saw each other...and then we embraced and began to catch up on what we had been up to the last few years...it was really great!
as we were chatting, she asked me if i was single, and i said yes, for about 5 years now...
then she proceeded to tell me, 'well, no worries there, you're a catch, somebody will sweep you up soon enough, after all, you're honey fucking deacon'...
at that comment, i laughed and said, 'what?'...not being sure i heard her right...
she explained to me...'you were my idol when we were growing up...you were the best singer, you were an awesome athlete, you were so cool...different from anyone else'...
she said some other things, and we continued our conversation, and had a blast catching up on life...
as i drove home that night...i couldn't stop giggling to myself about that conversation...honey fucking deacon. haha!
the next morning i got up and relayed the stories of the night to my parents and my little bro, and we laughed some more...and at a certain point, my bro was like, 'hell yeah, that's right, you are honey fucking deacon, sis!'
which brings me to my point of this whole story...
there are certain points in our lives that maybe we forget who we are...
that maybe we have talked ourselves into not believing in who we are...
or that we feel in some way that we have no positive impact on others...or that no one see's us...or knows who we are...
or maybe that no one cares, for that matter.
know this, people do see you and they are paying attention.
you must also realize that you are making some difference and having some impact on another person.
how great would it be to be going for the positive impact, rather than the negative?
so, remember, what you say, what you do, how you carry yourself, even your body language, speaks for itself.
the funny thing was that i had no idea that my friend, way back when, even looked at me that way.
i have to say, it really had an impact on me to hear all those things...
because, honestly, for me, its become easier and easier to not succeed or just not try.
having failure after failure pound the nail of disappointment into my head.
i've carried that story around me since then, reminding myself each time i was thinking that i was no one,
that hey, i am honey fucking deacon, don't forget that...
when i'm struggling with something or feeling fearful...there it is to remind me.
so, basically, yeah...maybe you guys can incorporate something of the sort for yourselves...
self motivating kinda thing...because, as you know, sometimes you are the only person around to motivate you.
i leave you with this, one of my most favorite passages in this world...
i found it about 10 years ago, somewhere, i don't really know...
but it travels with me, and is always stuck to my fridge with a magnet, just as a reminder...
it is from marianne williamson's 'return to love'...quoted by nelson mandela...and hey, they even used it in 'coach carter' right at the end...makes me cry every time i watch that part...
here you go...
"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, 'who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous.' actually, who are you NOT to be. your playing small doesn't serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. we are born to manifest the glory that is within us. it is in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
so, i say to you, on this day of days,
who are you not to be powerful beyond measure, my friends?!
it is up to you to make your life happen,
being as that movie 'the holiday' says, the star in your own screenplay...not one of the supporting actors.
so, there you go, that's my story...
i am...
honey fucking deacon
:)

p.s.
please excuse all of the cursing of these previous paragraphs...
but hey, it was only truly to make a point...
hope i made it.