driving over bridges...

i happen to have been driving over the bridge this morning,
heading off to do a few errands i've been putting off, as usual...
when the thought crossed my mind of how many times i've driven over this bridge.
you see...if you don't live where i live...
to get off the island, there are two bridges, going in different directions...one sort of north, the other south.
anyways, i was thinking about all the reasons i've driven over the bridge,
ranging from huge moments in my life, to pretty inconsequential moments as well...and it took to me to this place of remembering the array of feelings that went with those trips over that bridge and away from this island.
the few times i've moved away...
off to college,
tucson,
atlanta,
portland.
looking back and feeling excited, nervous, and afraid, all at the same time.
the times when i knew i was in love.
driving to that person,
coming home to them,
being unsure and wobbley inside,
but knowing the best place to be,
was right next to them.
the times when i was starting a new job.
or going to an interview,
that i had no idea if it would be where i'd finally find my place.
which, by the way, the search is still on for fullfillment there.
the times i was just running away.
to get away for the day,
and lose myself,
in a movie, or a bookstore, or a deep dish of nourishment.
looking for a moment of lack of stream of thought,
just to be.
moving back home from wherever,
each time has felt quite a bit different,
even though the driving over the bridge is done in the same way,
the reasons for coming home,
and feelings,
and my life outlook, in general,
were so different,
it's hard to even begin to explain.
the times when i drove over the bridge,
going to doctors visits and surgeries and waiting rooms.
the seriously scary moments,
of being completely unsure of what life would be like,
the next day.
of having that crazy moment of clarity,
that things sometimes,
are just not in our control.
i guess the thing that we have to know in this life...
is that while we're living it,
it's important to drive over that bridge.
that sometimes it's going to be the greatest reason,
to get off our island,
and sometimes not.
but driving up and over and down...
we can feel each and every part of the rise,
the leveling out,
and the descent.
and as long as we're actively participating in that drive...
then...
who knows,
what will be waiting on the other end of that bridge?
the only way you can know,
is by moving forward, with your eyes wide open.
it's within us to drive over to the next bridge,
and feel the fullness of experience,
just maybe differently.
with new vision.
and hope.
so, basically...
yeah, that's what i was thinkin about on my little journey over the bridge today.
how each time over it,
could turn out to be an experience, in and of itself.
how my life is constantly changing and surprising me.
how lucky i truly am to be able to take that drive,
whenever i please.
how perhaps, nothing can really get in the way of where i'm going.
except me.
so, i think i'll just keep driving,
and looking forward to seeing what happens next.