growing pains

i was thinking the other day about how much one person can affect our lives.
change the scope of it...for worse or for better.
make you feel certain things.
love,
anger,
sadness,
joy,
elation,
depression,
and a whole list of physical feelings as well!
it's kinda crazy if you really think about it!
a couple days ago,
i was at work,
working with a guy that is not my favorite person to be in the vicinity of...
for so many reasons...but i'll just say that when i work with him...it's like working by myself...and usually when he's talking...i'm wishing i was by myself...thinking that by now, you get the gist of my problem.
anyways, there i was, working with this guy...
and while he was talking at me...
i began to get these pretty horrible stomach pains.
for hours he talked, and for hours, my stomach would not stop hurting.
sometimes it's so horrible, i literally walk away from him, while he's talking, just so i can take a deep breath and remind myself that, 'hey, honey, we're all in this together...he has a story too...he has light'...
and when i walk back to him...he continues on with whatever he was talking about before...like i never left! oy veh is what i'm saying! haha!
so, anyways, during this whole stomach ache fest...he finally does his usual disappearing act for several hours, leaving me on my own to face the vast amount of golfers, coming in and off the golf course...which believe me, if given the choice...i'd choose doing it alone every time :)
anyways, i realized the other day, during this horid stomach ache, that after he left, and i was able to have a calming breath...
my stomach ache slowly but surely, went away.
this one person...has the power to frustrate me so much...
that i tense up...and have this strangely amazing, harsh pain in my stomach!
how insane is that...
that we let that happen...
i let that happen...
one person!
the thing is...
he doesn't have any control over how i react to his quite bothersome ways.
and even though, i'm so aware of it...i somehow, let it get the best of me, let him get under my skin.
this is the power that we have within us...
no matter how much we would like to argue about it...
we decide, in a way, how we are going to be treated,
or more like...how people are going to affect us,
by not being aware of what's going on inside of our bodies.
it's not the easiest thing, for sure.
but it's also completely do-able.
most days, when i'm going into work, for example...
i know who i'm going to be working with...
it kind of gives me thought to how i will handle my day...
what kind of attitude that i need to have to go into it...
and so on.
if it's at all possible,
trying to be positive, strong, and loving through all of your day,
and reminding yourself of it,
each time our feelings going off course, and we feel frustrated,
it can bring a sort of calm to you,
knowing that it's okay that you feel that way,
but that you're deciding to move past it,
or walk along with it,
because the steps that you're taking,
are yours...
you own them...
you are them.
and the kindness that you show to another human being,
whether you know it or not,
affects their life,
which in turn,
affects another and another and another.
i'm not gonna lie to you though...
i walked away from work the other day...
with anger, frustration, and a whole array of other not so great emotions...
not being able to understand the other living, breathing, human soul that i was working next to...
(because the truth of the matter is, sometimes we're not meant to understand things that go on in life...maybe we're just not ready for it...that takes time)
but the next day...when i went into work...
i reminded myself...
there's no way i can change this guy...
but there's a possibility of me, changing how i deal with how i react to him.
it's a work in progress though...as is all of what i do in this life of mine.
change and learning aren't the easiest things, are they?
but if we are to grow...
we must go through it all...
and sometimes it's just painful...
but on the other side of that...
is a world of understanding.
and a chance to become a better version of ourselves.